It is not easy to really listen to someone grumble of what happened to him or her in day and stay objective-minded and be sane enough not to give solutions.

Just constant nodding will be helpful enough unless the speaker asks for some suggestions or advice.

It has been 2 months plus since our wedding and everyone has been asking me what is different for me…

For me, I just want to continue to be who I am plus I want to have the power to embrace my wife wholly, accepting who she is and being there for her wherever she needs me.

Everyday, we have a routine of going for a walk of about 1 Km and while walking, we chit-chat, as if we were still in courtship period, listening, really listening to how each other’s day was and the feelings behind what had happened.

I know many people just want to give solutions to help the person but how many times did we shun away from such solution-providers because we felt that we are not heard?

As for me, I feel after everyday, we are all very drained, emotionally and mentally sapped by whatever good or bad incidents that had happened since the break of dawn.

Likewise, for me and my wife and being normal humans, we are not sparred from this similar daily routine we had to go through together with billions of people in the other parts of the world.

After each day, we had tons of things to share or things we are not very sure about and just want to talk it out. From each other, we garner strength and reassurance to push on to the next day.

It is a daily commitment and I’m not saying we are so disciplined to follow our routine everyday…sometimes, it is ok to give it a miss and we rest at home when we were too tired…

But what I want to share here…is I would want to do my best to stay committed to listening to my wife, really hearing her…and be there for her in times of springs and storms…

Lately, I have been racking my brains with many books (an average of 300-pages book in about 10 hours)

…books on passages and stages of life…books on psychology and self-actualisation…books on feminity and marriages…books that can churn up so much turmoil and emotion in me and force me to re-look into every corner of my life again to wonder if I have lived everyday to my fullest…

At this very moment, I am asking myself
-“If I were to be re-born in this family and to re-live every single day of my life being enmeshed inside this constant question of who I really am, will I still want everything to be the same?”

Looking back in my life and looking at other people’s lives, it seemed that everyone’s life has his ups and downs; blessings and struggles.

No one’s life is completely smooth…

A brief peep into my life (uncensored thoughts):

“Everyday is tormenting for me with surprises coming to greet me, good and bad. Torment that comes from my inner voice….topping up by my anxiety that I seemed to never get away from…an inner voice to stop me from speaking my mind, an inner voice that stopped me from being my true spontaneous self…an inner voice that impedes my progress…and constantly throw me back to square one…

Being raised up in a single-parent family, my only idol is my mother…who has painstaking raised me up over these years…no amount of giving back to her can compensate the amount of tears, sweat and blood she had lost while raising me up. Even losing my life for her will not suffice…

My dad left me when I was 14…but his influence and impact on me was strong and deeply-rooted inside me…I only remember what my mother shared about what my dad told her, “I know I can’t give you everything; I will do my best to give you what you deserve.”

Right now, I hold on to this invaluable lesson dearly…making sure I deliver the same thing to my wife…

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Yesterday was our first Chinese New Year Eve Reunion Dinner including my wife.

It was a different feeling…a happy feeling to include her in our big family…

We had steamboat with beef, sotong, fishballs, fish slices, abalone and big fat prawns.

The steamboat itself was worth at least $100 per person.

I learnt from my cousin that the abalone was S$148 per piece and the fish was S$58 per fish. The prawns cost S$38 per kg and the scallops was as big as 10 S$1 coin stacked on top of one another.

Every year, I really wanted to find someone to go with me to squeeze or be squeezed in the Chinatown’s crowd. This year, my wife and I decided to start a family ritual, which is to go Chinatown on every Chinese New Year Eve.

One of the “making-marriage-works” principles that I have learnt from reading this book, is to have a family routine regularly. For example, Friday is strictly our day’s off and we will set aside time for each other to have a relaxing night-out no matter how busy we are.

Plus, every night, we will go for a stroll after dinner so that we can spend time with each other to hear or grumble or encourage or simply just be with each other.

Yesterday, we went to Chinatown at 10pm and came back at 12.10am. The place was jam-packed with people. Any water can hardly seep in and people were literally stuck in their positions.

We were smart enough not to squeeze with them and walked around Chinatown area and from across the street, we saw the stagnant crowd of sardines immovable…

Okie..time to call my in-laws and say some Chinese New Year greetings…VERY IMPORTANT for new wedding couples… 🙂

Meanwhile, Happy New Year to all of you!!! >.< Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!

I believe that whatever we do we ought to find a balance.

Even when we are attached and have a new partner, we need to fidn a balance.

When do we spend our time with our sweet heart?

When do we spend personal time to recharge?

When do we spend time with our family?

Lately, I know I have not been posting regularly.

I’m finding my balance…the balance in my life between Married and being myself.

In a day, there is only 24 hours. I spent 8 hours for sleeping, 9 hours at work and 5 more hours to be balanced out spending time alone, with my wife and with my family.

It is easier said to be done.

How many of you do actually feel squashed when wanting to spend time with friends and your partner?

How many of you feel drained after work and still need to take out time to do housework?

How many of you come to the stage of telling others “Just leave me alone; I need a break”?

In a married life, there are many times more things to be done. If you feel you do not have enough time for yourself, be it for leisure or working, I feel you have to spend more time finding your balance before commiting to a married life.

As for me, I find myself doing much more such as attending to the emotional needs of my wife, taking care of my wife’s needs such as buying fruits for her to eat so that she can be healthy, planning activities with my wife weekly so we do have enough time for each other, washing my wife’s laundry when she became too busy, plus reading books on marriage and mothering and about understanding women.

Last week, I spent three days reading this book

It is about how to make marriage works and I will be sharing more in the next few posts.

Showing love to your love one seemed to be extra important on this very special day – Valentine Day…

Boyfriends/ husbands spend extra money and effort on looking for lavish gifts and arranging costly dinner just to give the most romantic dinner to their love ones.

Every lady would want a very romantic dinner…even guys too…guys would want their girlfriends/ wives to arrange an extraordinary dinner for them to make them feel very special and important…

As for us…celebrating Valentine Day started one week ago…

Preparing her Valentine Day’s gifts and arranging to give my wife different gifts on different days make every year’s Valentine Day seem longer than just a day…and we went for our dinner many days ago just to avoid the crowd.

Though it is not on the day itself, but what matter most is treasuring every single moment we spent together.

It is now 12.40am on this very special day and I want to wish every reader of mine a very Happy Valentine Day!