Last Friday, when I was on a bus going home, I saw this middle-aged lady boarding the bus and standing still when she reached the first empty seat (the first seat nearest to the bus’ entrance)

This lady was standing in the way of others. Among the first few to have boarded the bus, she was preventing about 20 more people who wanted to board the bus.

A young lady behind this lady asked if she can move on so that others can board the bus. But this middle-aged lady snarled at her.

The middle-aged lady quickly put her bag on this empty seat and anxiously looked out of the window as if locating somebody, indifferent to the crowd of peple stuck at the bus’ entrance.

The young lady, given no choice, pushed her way through and accidentally hit the middle-aged lady who very quickly remarked that she was extremely rude to squeeze her way through.

How do you expect the young lady to move to the end of the bus when an elephant this blocking an aisle that can hardly fit a boar?

Later when a middle-aged man boarded the bus, this middle-aged lady hastily and dutifully move into the seat nearer to the window and allowing space for the man to go in. And she shut her eyes to rest.

It was as if nothing happened!!!

It appeared to me that this man seemed to be her husband. And is this how the wife defines “love to her husband” at the expense of delaying passengers from boarding the bus?

Can we justify that what the wife did was right because “she loves him so much”?

Although four days had passed, I still feel that what the wife did was not right though she was doing something “loving” for her husband.

I wonder what else could she do. What do you think?

After marriage, as much as we want to spend time with each other, the other agreement that we have is to respect each other’s personal space.

What do I mean by that?

Irregardless of during the period of courtship or being married, every one of us still wants to spend time alone and still do things we like to do.

A married friend once told me, when his wife wants to go out shopping or meet old friends, she still tells him. However, she is not seeking the husband’s permission but because she respects him and that is why she is telling him. In addition, the wife must inform the husband where she is going and what time she will be back so that the family won’t be worried if she comes home late.

Likewise for the husband, he can still go for his brothers’ gathering or go to some places he frequents when he was single. For example, he can still go to bookshop or catch a show alone if he enjoys that.

I have seen many couples wanting to change their spouses. “Why can’t you be like? Why can’t you be like that?”

Would you like it if your spouse want to change you…completely? I don’t think so. We don’t like to be changed. If changing is so easy, then the earth will spin upside down.

People are resistant to changes most of the times. We like to be who we are…be in equilibrium…to be in stable state.??

Having just married, we are still doing fine adjustments here and there. We still meet our own friends, do things we have always enjoyed…and many times….giving each other lots of personal space to grow and rest…

During courtship, money is never a problem among dating couples.

One of my friends (in her teens) is dating too and her boy-friend splurged on her (just as if there is no tomorrow), satisfying every bit of her material needs’ desire…buying her the latest mobile phones and life-size soft toys (which need to pay for 1 person bus fare when the boy came to her house by bus).

For youngsters, they can afford to pay for their fast-food meals or at most some expensive toys they purchased during birthdays or Valentine’s day.

For older guys who are working, they can afford to spend more such as paying for a dinner in restaurants, paying for oversea trips’ expenses or even buying a car for their girl-friends (these are for those who are ultra-rich)

Once after marriage, things differ. THERE IS TOMORROW!!! Fiancial priorities shift enourmously. Money and savings have to be set aside for household maintenance, food, insurance policies, emergencies, child-rearing, child’s education, child’s holidays…

Debts have to be cut down or reduced to the minimal, couples have to sit together to discuss about investment in securities and bonds or even properties (if they can afford)…and achieving common dreams such as setting up a family business together and supporting each other’s dreams… and many many many more…

In addition, couples have to save for possible retrenchment (at least 6 months of saving) and retirement (assuming not working for 10 – 20 years of couple’s monthly expenditure of about $5000.)…that would amount to $1.2 million or more…

our goal is to hit at least $10 million for retirement. Any unused money will be donated to charity.

As for us, these are our plans…there are still many more things to be done…>.< There are always many more Tomorrows and tomorrows of our children...

Today was a shocking day to me. One of my colleagues fell and injured herself. She was hospitalised.

Just before she left the office, she was asking her what do we need to buy for tea-break. Curry-puff? Pao?

This made me reflect on how vunerable life was. One moment we were planning for the future. The other moment, we might not be able to execute our plan because of unforseen circumstances. By right, tomorrow we were planning to go out together just to have dinner.

Life was really fragile, isn’t it?

We were born, we grow up, we fall in love, may get married, have kids, grow old and become sick before we die.

Looking at my own life, I had just realised I had crossed the one-third mark (assuming I got to live up to 80 years which is the normal life expectancy of human nowadays.)

Another two more one-third to go. I want to spend these limited amount of time with my wife and my children in time to come.

I once read a story. There was this husband who calculated the total number of Sundays he get to spend with her wife till he dies. He folded the exact number of stars and put them in a glass cylinder.

As every Sunday passed by, he took out one star. As years passed, the number of the stars dwindled and the height dropped. There was a sudden sense of urgency and it became a form of wake-up call that actually he didn’t have many more Sundays to spend with his wife till he dies.

So, from then onwards, he made sure he spent quality Sundays with his wife…just enjoying time with her…

So how more Sundays do I have left? I’m not sure…all I know that I only have NOW to spend with her…as for the future…how many of us can predict how more Sundays we have left? >.<

There is a wise saying “If you want to draw a bird, you must become the bird.” It meant to really understand one thing fully, we must be that thing.

Everyday, we have hurdles. We find oursleves panting jumping over obstacles, only to realise there is another mountain to conquer. Oh my..we are almost short of breathes…dying…wanting to give up.

Everyday, when our spouse comes back home…after going through an unimaginable day of tossing in and out (or to be exact, being tossed around by others)…oh my…there is so much inner voices going on inside them…just cant wait to go back home to release the pent-up emotion…to someone who s/he really trusts…only seeking for a listening ear…only to forget the other party also went through a hellish day…not prepared to hear…to fully hear what his or her partner is pouring out…

There are many times we thought we really understand our love ones…only to realise at the end of the day we knew nothing…whatever we thought we knew was just an illusion…

There are alot of times we thought we knew how much s**t our partner went through and we thought we understand…we so carelessly and simply push away the feelings our partners are trying to explain when s/he shares about the problems s/he is facing…

what are some of the common replies when someone pours his or her heart out?

“It is okay”

“Don’t think so much, ok?”

“Things will be okay.”

“Don’t think so much.”

“Why are you thinking so much?”

and many more other examples that you can give.

What happen next? How do we react? Do we share more or shut off?

I believe we could never understand how torturous or uncomfortable when our partner said so. we have different definition of the same word and we understand different extent of discomfort.

Imagine yourself confiding with someone who you usually confide in. How often do that person can 100% understand what you are feeling or experiencing?

It is tough to fully experience what the other person had experienced. Anyway whatever had happened is already over. We couldn’t go back in time…

so what we could hear is from the story-teller…the person sharing his or her own version of the story…so why don’t we really listen with both our ears…and our heart…>.<