We are not the same and yet, we are just a bunch of selfish bunch of people only wanting to change others and never ourselves.

Who is brave enough to admit that you are selfless and you have never thought of wanting to change your spouse to someone ideal?

I’m very human afterall and I dare to say I make these mistakes all the time. Many times, I have to constantly remind myself neither my spouse or me is perfect. This is to make my marriage happy.

Tell me who is? Are you?

Making mistakes is common among couples be it married or not. Even couples who are married for tens of years do honestly tell you that they have made many stupid mistakes in the past and that is why they are so happy right now.

It may be really contradictory and weird but it is the fact. Happily married couples do not always stay happy all the times. They have as much ups and downs just like any couple.

The secret is this. This works all the time and it is determined by how open you want to know it. Even if I tell you this, you have to prove to me that you are willing to use it. Use it not just once but all the times and use it everyday.

So now let me reveal the 5 ways you can learn right now to better understand your spouse.
1. Don’t attempt to change your spouse at all if you are not willing to change yourself. I’m sure during certain times, you have some sense that certain patterns of your life do not work well for you and your relationship.

And many times, we just know it but we are just not willing to change. We always take the easy way out and shift the blame from “I” to “spouse”.
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It was definitely a sigh of relief after the wedding dinner. A year or more of wedding planning certainly was no joke.

As much as we found it really enjoyable and stressful at the same time, we also realised it was the beginning of another long journey for us.

But who cares at that point in time. “Let’s go for our honeymoon first” say most couples.

It was a time to relax and reward yourselves for a mega project completed.

There are some routines that some husbands and wives share with me.

from trussel.com

A colleague of mine shared with me that she and husband will go for daily walk after their dinner without fail.

We are doing our best to go for walks at night too to find out more about each other’s daily lives. And of course, it is a good chance for us to grumble and let out our negative energy.

Another friend of mine who was newly wed for a few months made it a point to go travelling once a year. Even though travelling can be quite common for locals, making the trips to become a yearly “honeymoon” certainly make those trips more meaningful.

This year, we went to Vietnam, Ho Chin Minh and next year perhaps to Cambodia, Laos and North Korea. How exciting!!!

A good friend of mine plans a yearly joint activity with his wife, be it cooking, dancing or jogging. On alternate year, they will do something that each of them enjoys. One year, he accompanied his wife to a flower-decor class.

I remembered I attended Hatha Yoga class with my wife last year and I was the only guy in the class beside the teacher. It was completely uncomfortable at first but I was doing it for my wife. This year, I attended Pilate. Not too bad as there was one more guy.
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It is a very controversial topic and many people, especially after their weddings, have different opinions on this.

Are Singaporean guy romantic?

from kafwang.com

In fact, there are some male friends of mine who are.

I remembered a male friend of mine deployed 10 of his friends to make a heart using fire sprinklers at a beach. The size was about half of a basketball court. It was their second year into their relationship.

Another male friend of mine sprinkled rose petals in a hotel room during Valentine’s Day and lined the petals from the middle of the bed to the door.

The third male friend of mine inflated tens of heart-shaped balloons using helium gas and filled his car’s boot with them. He blindfolded his girlfriend and led her to open the boot by herself and the amzing sight was when all the balloons flew up.

Of course again, these special acts are done during special days such as wedding anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Days and even wedding proposals.

What about normal days, especially after their wedding?

Many of my female friends complained that reality set in once after their weddings ended and their husbands cut down the surprises and gifts for them.

For a moment, they realised they were getting more before their weddings.

I heard that from a lady that her husband was absolutely not a romantic man who doesn’t even cooked instant noodle for her. Thus, she could only wish her husband do romantic things only when she sleeps.

Others grumbled that they never receive a paper aeroplane from their husbands and getting paper cranes from them can only be a dream.
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Have you ever realised that once after marriage, your tolerance towards your spouse’s flaws dropped drastically?

from plan4divorce.co.uk

I think it is a common phenomenon among married couples after their big wedding day. They find faults so much easier in their marriage life compared to their courtship life.

In courtship days, things are still so much magical, pleasant and the reality of life had not set in yet. Couples only come to realise that their partners, being so human, only have flaws that normal humans do have.

I have to admit that I am guilty of doing this too and admiting it doens’t mean I’m wrong. We all make mistakes and it is only scary when couples claim that their relationship is forever conflict and argument free.

It is even worse when they say they never took each other for granted before.

There are alot of times our expectations towards each other elevated over the years and we easily get grumpy when the hidden expectations on our spouses are not met.

This is a trap and third parties become so much attractive.

There is a saying that marriage is not ruined because of third party. Marriage is already going downhill and that is when third party comes in.

So let’s see what we can do not to take our spouses for granted.
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Lately a reader and also a friend of mine emailed me asking for advice on choosing a credible and reliable fengshui master.

from beifan.com

Fengshui master, in our Chinese culture, helps to choose auspicious dates based on the wedding couples and their parents birthdates, birth years and Eastern zodiac signs.

In some families, choosing the right date is a life-and-death issue and even if it may fall on some weekdays, some families will go ahead as planned even though it may cause inconvenience to others relatives and friends who are working.

Beside choosing dates, the fengshui master will set aside auspicious timings when the groom has to fetch the bride, when the bride has to return home and when the tea-ceremony has to start.

There are many practices to follow for the believers.

I have heard that for Teochew, the groom has to leave the house at 4am in the morning so that he can fetch the bride at 5am. I think it is quite crazy.

Again it is a custom to the Teochew which must be followed and I respect that.

In fact, for me, I don’t really believe such beliefs.

There are two main reasons that wedding couples seek the advice from fengshui masters.

One of them is the wedding couples truly believe in it.

The other reason is to satisfy the mothers and to stop the constant nagging from them.

Nagging from mothers could be more potent than any other forms of stressor.

For us, we did this so that my mother-in-law can be convinced that the date we choose is the “right” one.

Surprisingly, the fengshui master we consulted advised us that the dates do not really matter at all.
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