We are not the same and yet, we are just a bunch of selfish bunch of people only wanting to change others and never ourselves.
Who is brave enough to admit that you are selfless and you have never thought of wanting to change your spouse to someone ideal?
I’m very human afterall and I dare to say I make these mistakes all the time. Many times, I have to constantly remind myself neither my spouse or me is perfect. This is to make my marriage happy.
Tell me who is? Are you?
Making mistakes is common among couples be it married or not. Even couples who are married for tens of years do honestly tell you that they have made many stupid mistakes in the past and that is why they are so happy right now.
It may be really contradictory and weird but it is the fact. Happily married couples do not always stay happy all the times. They have as much ups and downs just like any couple.
The secret is this. This works all the time and it is determined by how open you want to know it. Even if I tell you this, you have to prove to me that you are willing to use it. Use it not just once but all the times and use it everyday.
So now let me reveal the 5 ways you can learn right now to better understand your spouse.
1. Don’t attempt to change your spouse at all if you are not willing to change yourself. I’m sure during certain times, you have some sense that certain patterns of your life do not work well for you and your relationship.
And many times, we just know it but we are just not willing to change. We always take the easy way out and shift the blame from “I” to “spouse”.
2. Discuss issues whenever they arise. Don’t hide them or sweep them under the blankets as if nothing happens. In fact, never even bring unresolved issues to the bedroom. This is our practice that we hold on dearly. If there is some disagreement, we just say it and we discuss right then and right on the spot.
3. Be objective-minded. Following from the second point, we discuss about the issue and we tackle the issue, never the person.
4. Don’t be judgemental. Don’t say that your spouse is “stupid” or “plain lazy” or “will never change”. I think it is very hurting whenever someone say this to me.
Yes, there might be instances that we just have to say it. We lack self-control and we just have to say it no matter what. So, do take note of the tone of your voice and mind the words you use.
Over 60% of the message is conveyed through the non-verbal way.
5. Lastly, to make marriage works, couples must learn to forgive and forget. As much as we want to forget and yes from experience, I know it is really very hard to forget. Still, we need to remember to forget the unplesantness some experiences we have with our spouses.
And we will all move on eventually and that what matter most for your happy marriage.
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