Making wedding works is more than preparing the wedding tasks and fulfilling them.

It is going to be tiring and frustrating!!! Very frustrating!!!

Wedding-related tasks include getting the bridal studio, contacting hotels, calling and making appointment with the wedding photographers, food tasting and many more.

These tasks are simple to do. The hardest part is how to get your soon-to-be spouse to remain supportive all the way. And not just till the wedding.

There is still a very long way to go.

I have always told brides and grooms that the mini-quarrels they have during their wedding preparation is just the tip of the iceberg and it is normal to have disagreement once in a while.

More will come along the way and in bigger quality and quantity!!!

My wife and I do have conflicts too and this is absolutely normal.

Couples who tell me over the tele-consultation that they have never argued before in their lives are abnormal.

Why having conflicts while preparing wedding is healthy?
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I have heard of many stories of couples enjoying their honeymoon period. And when the baby comes, they start to quarrel because of many unresolved issues and mismatched expectations.

They may be quarreling over whose turn it is to take care of their baby, or whose turn to wake up 4am to feed the baby, or whose turn to fork out money for the baby-sitter.

The list just goes on and on. Minor stuff like the food is too hot or the bed is not made can be trigger the volcano at home to erupt uncontrollably.

Do you want to know the number one secret how all these can be avoided instantly?

The secret lies in your pre-wedding.

Would you want to know the 7 secrets never to argue with your spouse again?

1. Use pre-wedding to understand your spouse-to-be

There are hundred and one new thing to discover about your spouse during the wedding planning stage. As time passes and you realised that “why is it my partner behaves like that?” or “why is she like this?”

It is not that your partner has changed. It is because you have yet to spend enough time seeing their private selves in the past.

Each of us has a public and a private self. Even married couples of twenty over years may not necessarily have discovered the most private aspect of their spouse.

2. Discover how both of you can cope healthily
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It is not easy to really listen to someone grumble of what happened to him or her in day and stay objective-minded and be sane enough not to give solutions.

Just constant nodding will be helpful enough unless the speaker asks for some suggestions or advice.

It has been 2 months plus since our wedding and everyone has been asking me what is different for me…

For me, I just want to continue to be who I am plus I want to have the power to embrace my wife wholly, accepting who she is and being there for her wherever she needs me.

Everyday, we have a routine of going for a walk of about 1 Km and while walking, we chit-chat, as if we were still in courtship period, listening, really listening to how each other’s day was and the feelings behind what had happened.

I know many people just want to give solutions to help the person but how many times did we shun away from such solution-providers because we felt that we are not heard?

As for me, I feel after everyday, we are all very drained, emotionally and mentally sapped by whatever good or bad incidents that had happened since the break of dawn.

Likewise, for me and my wife and being normal humans, we are not sparred from this similar daily routine we had to go through together with billions of people in the other parts of the world.

After each day, we had tons of things to share or things we are not very sure about and just want to talk it out. From each other, we garner strength and reassurance to push on to the next day.

It is a daily commitment and I’m not saying we are so disciplined to follow our routine everyday…sometimes, it is ok to give it a miss and we rest at home when we were too tired…

But what I want to share here…is I would want to do my best to stay committed to listening to my wife, really hearing her…and be there for her in times of springs and storms…

Married life means a life of commitment. There is no longer just you or me but it is about us. Us means you+me or even you overlapping me.

To me, married life means being there for her when she has happy (or sad) things she wants to share with me.

Married life means understanding how hectic my partner’s work has been and understanding that she may be affected in one way or the other.

Married life means forgiving my partner for not having spent enough time with me.

I had heard of stories of how husband had taken his wife for granted and even blaming her for not spending enough time at home, for bringing complaints from work to home or even for not having taken good care of the children.

For me, my personal opinion is it is ok for my wife to talk about the stress she faced in work because she must have felt comfortable to share with me and she feels safe with me. And this is why she shares with me.

I don’t know. I have heard of spouses feeling really irritated by the complaints from their significant others.

If after she shares with me and she feels better, I don’t mind sharing half of her burden.

If after she shares with me and she knows a better way to cope, I don’t mind listening to what she says.

If after she shares with me and I could understand her better, I don’t mind spending my time hearing her out.

If I, as the husband won’t listen, who will?

Many people are still asking me how is life after marriage…

I remembered on last Saturday, one of my friends asked me to join them for dinner..

I replied..”sorry..I can’t…I have promised to have dinner with my family…>.<" for me..after and before married life arel the same...but with extra commitment...responsibility... Commitment to wash the dishes as what I had promised her...but she brings out the dishes to the dining table... Commitment to set aside one day of the week to go out for a walk...no matter how busy we are... Commitment to spend 1 hour everyday to do sports or simply go for a walk no matter how busy or tired we are after work...after walking...we feel more stress-free... To me, responsibility means to hear my wife out...doesn't matter if they are grumbles...worries...word of concerns...her fears...(likewise for her, she hears me out no matter how busy she is) Responsibility to empower her...to tell her she has done her best and I will support her no matter what decision she makes... Responsibility to take good care of her...to kiss her every night before sleep...to tell her "I love you" everyday...to cuddle her...and to make sure she feels safe and protected...