I have heard of many stories of couples enjoying their honeymoon period. And when the baby comes, they start to quarrel because of many unresolved issues and mismatched expectations.
They may be quarreling over whose turn it is to take care of their baby, or whose turn to wake up 4am to feed the baby, or whose turn to fork out money for the baby-sitter.
The list just goes on and on. Minor stuff like the food is too hot or the bed is not made can be trigger the volcano at home to erupt uncontrollably.
Do you want to know the number one secret how all these can be avoided instantly?
The secret lies in your pre-wedding.
Would you want to know the 7 secrets never to argue with your spouse again?
1. Use pre-wedding to understand your spouse-to-be
There are hundred and one new thing to discover about your spouse during the wedding planning stage. As time passes and you realised that “why is it my partner behaves like that?” or “why is she like this?”
It is not that your partner has changed. It is because you have yet to spend enough time seeing their private selves in the past.
Each of us has a public and a private self. Even married couples of twenty over years may not necessarily have discovered the most private aspect of their spouse.
2. Discover how both of you can cope healthily
Many couples thought that they will be forever argument free. If any couple tells me that they never have any conflict before, their relationship is bound to fail.
Why? Because they are like a dormant volcano, harboring many grievances yet to be revealed.
Yes, it is right to be calm and let all bygones be bygones. However, deep inside their hearts, the matter may not be totally resolved and they are still many questions going through their mind.
Imagine these patterns repeat themselves 1 time a day for 365 days.
What may happen if one day something happen and trigger these “choking gas” which they have subconsciously been displeased about? Can you imagine the amount of poisonous gas and lava coming out of their mouths?
3. Come to agreement of just one way both of you can cope
Some of you may be explaining that “how can I keep calm when such thing happens?”
Who in that state of mind can keep their coolness?
I believe all these are excuses. Remember having the right state of mind is a choice.
Imagine one day you are very hot-tempered after you quarreled with your spouse. Then, the phone rang and you picked up the phone.
You realised that it was your boss who called.
Wow, how would you have sounded?
I bet you won’t say “Bloody boss!!! Why did you call me at this time?”
Most probably, you would have sounded like “Yes, Sir. Good morning. What can I do for you?” And the tone would be sturdy and calm.
Having any state of emotion is a choice. Be it the right or wrong.
Thus, both of you may need to come to an agreement say walking off and allowing both of you cool down period when it gets too hot.
4. Focus on the strengths
Come on, we all have strengths as well as weaknesses. We are not marrying a perfect angel. Our spouse has flaws or some bad habits that we may not agree on.
They may need time to change if there is a need to change. Make the change gentle and encouraging.
For instance, she may always like to leave the lights on even though she is not in the room. Help her off the light and gently remind her.
Remind her a few more times and she may improve slowly.
5. Embrace her family practice
Her family is going to be very different from yours. There may be some practices that you may find unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
As long as it doesn’t threaten your safety, do learn to acknowledge it by letting it pass. I didn’t say “accept” it.
I’m sure your spouse may find some of your family practice weird. So, let’s be fair and respect what each other has been living in for the past twenty to thirty years.
No one likes to have someone to come to his house and change the furniture layout, isn’t it?
6. Be committed to go through together
I’m sure there will be some confusion or disagreement during wedding planning. Common things that couples may not see eye to eye are who to invite, who to fork out what, or what customs to follow or not to follow.
Learn to sit together and take turns to speak. For the one listening, listen attentively to not just the words but also the feelings.
Could it be because the parents want them and not following it may anger the parents?
Could it be anxious that what if the ballroom is not big enough?
Could it be worried that there is not enough money to cover all the expenses?
Different actions resulted because of various emotions. Clear these clouds and it is easier to work and live together.
7. Learn to forgive
The only one good reason why you have to forgive, no matter what happens, because simply he is your husband or she is your wife.
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