Wedding ceremony and celebration is just a moment of happiness.

from dk186.tripod.com

Marriage is for eternality.

During courtship, when the couple is staying in different homes, there is no overlapping of personal space and privacy.

Couples, at this point in time, may only see the good points of each other.

They are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

It is only after marriage, when both are sharing the same room, the same bed and the same house, there is intrusion of personal space and discomfort may arise.

Many married couples ask why it is that their partners had more flaws after getting married.

In fact, their partners did not changed. What had changed is their own perception on each other.

Expectations had increased. Tolerance level towards each other had dropped. There is less forgivings and understandings. There are lots more of “You should be this and that.” and “You must be like this or that.”

from guardianmedia.net.au

After getting married, one should be able to focus more on the partner’s strengths and move along in life. Focusing only on weaknesses and flaws are like slow poison to their relationship.

The Solmeniser shared another interesting story:
“There was once a husband who told the wife to burn the certificate of marriage.
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This was my first time to have gone through a Buddhist Solemnisation.

It was held at Marina Mandarin Singapore.

Wedding Programme Schedule for Solemnisation:
1. Guests to be seated at 6pm sharp/ all lay out to be done
2. MC announced the purpose of gathering today
3. Singers sang a love song to the wedding couple
4. MC announced the march in (in sequence) of the groom’s parents, bride’s parents, solemniser and the wedding couple
5. Wedding Vows
6. Words of gratitude from newly wed to parents
7. Words of advice and blessings from bride and groom’s parents
8. Word of gratitude from newly wed to relatives and friends

The past solemnisation I had attended was either done at the Registry of Marriage or in churches.
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Yesterday, I did blogged about the importance of having Gung-Ho brothers.

Why do you need Gung-Ho brothers?
1. Gung-ho brothers can help groom to overcome obstacles.
2. They can confront the bridesmaids in a pleasant manner.
3. They are in a calmer state to think of ideas to counter the games.
4. Best of friends are very good support in such times.

In a typical Chinese wedding day, the groom will pick the bride up at a stipulated time which is deemed as an auspicious timing.

Just when the groom reached the bride’s home, the driver will sound 3 loud horns to announce their arrivals.

To enter the house to fetch the bride, the groom will have to go though many obstacles in the form of wedding games to show his sincerity and determination to marry his bride.

This could be the most stressful period for the groom when all attention was on him and he had to overcome so many weird games on the spot.

It can be very traumatising for the groom.

I remembered when I had to go through the wedding games, the bridesmaids shut the door and wanted me to shout into the house through into another room. Luckily, I had a strong team of 9 brothers and our voices rocked the whole floor.

Yesterday, I took the stand as an on-looker, looking at how the groom was tortured without his brothers helping him.
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I just came back from my cousin’s wedding.

In Singapore, we do have two parts to our wedding day.

According to the Chinese wedding customs, this is what will happen in a wedding day.

In the morning, we have the groom coming to the bride’s home to fetch her. There will be tea-ceremony.

In the afternoon, they will return to the groom’s house. There will be another tea-ceremony.

At night, we have our wedding dinner in a hotel ballroom or a restaurant.

from home.mn.rr.com

There are times in the afternoon that some wedding couples chose to go through the solemnisation in a church.

It again differs for different religion.

Back to my cousin’s wedding, in the morning at 9.40am, the groom came with his brothers. If I were to give them a rating upon 10 for their brotherhood, I can only give 4.5

Why this poor rating?

The brothers played him out.

Normally, the bridesmaids will play some games to test the sincerity of the groom just before he is allowed to enter the door. He was asked for to perform. Out of 5 brothers, only two went along with the flow and danced with the groom. The other 3 just hid at a corner enjoying the show.

Upon entering the house, the groom was required to eat chilli, lemon, sugar and bittergourd which resembled the 4 aspects of marriage life (spiciness, bitterness, sourness and sweetness)

In fact my cousin (who was the bride) told me just before the groom came, that the groom will be “Dead” for sure. She had called him earlier to remind him NOT to get helpers who can drink.

He must get those who can help him and overcome obstacles for him in the games session.

Whatever the bride said fell on deaf ears.

Back to what had happened earlier on, only the groom ate everything even though the bridesmaids kept on mentioning that the other brothers could help too. I realised the brothers just laughed behind him. Some even shun away and hid behind the crowd of relatives and friends, hoping no one will see him.

I’m sure the groom was really disappointed.

Even the mother-in-law came forward to tell the groom to get help from others.

Hmmm, nothing happened.

And came the part, the bridesmaids prepared dresses, bras and skilrts for the groom and his friends.

They were shown some sexy advertisment in a fashion magazine and they were to dress themselves up and posed as sexily as possible, just like what they saw in the ads.

It took them five minutes or so for them to even say, “ok, let me help.”

The groom was blushing furiously with his face all red though he was really tanned.
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Relationship before and after marriage is not the same.

from newtco.com

It needs more commitment and a deeper level of understanding what relationship really meant.

What does relationship really mean to you?

Is it just being together as boy-girl friend and we are one couple?

Or is it being aware of what is going on each other’s life and wanting to be a part of it?

Or is it being able to sacrifice oneself for the other party even if dying is part of it?

Just before marriage, holding on to this relationship is my first priority. Making the wedidng works has been my focus for the whole of last year.

It is not easy to hold a wedding. Organising a wedding include communication and understanding of each other. It meant putting ourselves in each other’s shoes too.

I have already mentioned in the past that marriage is not just between two people, but between two families, two futures, two past, two presence.

What do I mean?
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