I have just came back from a seminar.

The trainer shared about a research done in 1994 by a group of psychologists on 100 pairs of newly wed couples.

from no-problem-marriage-
counseling.com

Each pair had a private room each and they were told to behave normally. They were each observed for 10 minutes.

The psychologists had to finished a questionaire stating the number of priases and put-downs give to each other.

10 years later, the psychologists followed up with this group of couples.

To their suprise, 94% of the couples were either separated or divorced. The couples who experienced marital breakdown were those who gave more put downs than praises.

This research showed that praises are very important elements for a successful and happy marriage.

I feel all of us want to be praised. We want to be praised for the effort we have put in, no matter how insignificant they are.

from theonion.com

We all need praises. So do our spouses.

What you can do right now to improve your relationship:
1. When your husband grumbles about how tired he is after a day of hard work, praise him for the effort he has put in to work hard and provide for the family. And tell him that the family appreciates him alot.

2. When your wife cooks and it may not be that tasty, praise her for the time spent in cooking and in buying of the cooking ingredients.
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Sometimes, wedding preparation never reached their desired outcome.

from peterkuper.com

Some weddings had been postponed or even cancelled.

There are a few reasons I could think of:
– There is a change of heart
– The groom was not ready yet (Then why he popped the question then?)
– The bride was not ready yet.
– Other unpredictable reasons that you may think of

Wedding preparation is a big event that the couple look most forward to. Many didn’t sleep well due to the excitement and anxiety.

Me too, I didn’t sleep well every night before my wedding day.

Postponement or cancellation must be a really big blow to the bride or groom (depending what happened actually).

Hope is dashed and the dream of building a warm family is lost.

Who could really understand how a groom or bride feel?

I feel that couples had to really think and plan through if they want to get married.

There are many factors to look into:
– How ready are they ready to commit to each other?
– How prepared are they financially?
– How ready are they emotionally to start a family?
– What do they understand by putting each other before self?

I remembered I watched “Spiderman 3” and Spiderman wanted to marry his girlfriend, M.J. His granny asked him how ready is he.

His granny asked him if he is ready to put his wife before him.

What about you? How ready are you to put your spouse before yourself?

from artexpressed.com

“C are for The One you love… 🙂
O pportunities for true love,
M ay happen only once,
M aybe, not at all in this life !
I love thee…
T hough we may not be,
M ost compatible,
E motions draw us close…
N atural instincts and fate,
T ie us together ?n? hopefully all our life…

HAPPY VALENTINE?S DAY !”

This poem is written by my very good friend, Phyllis.
She wrote this for her hubby on V day a couple of years ago.

*You can view more of our work at www.romance-fire.com/poems

Wedding ceremony and celebration is just a moment of happiness.

from dk186.tripod.com

Marriage is for eternality.

During courtship, when the couple is staying in different homes, there is no overlapping of personal space and privacy.

Couples, at this point in time, may only see the good points of each other.

They are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

It is only after marriage, when both are sharing the same room, the same bed and the same house, there is intrusion of personal space and discomfort may arise.

Many married couples ask why it is that their partners had more flaws after getting married.

In fact, their partners did not changed. What had changed is their own perception on each other.

Expectations had increased. Tolerance level towards each other had dropped. There is less forgivings and understandings. There are lots more of “You should be this and that.” and “You must be like this or that.”

from guardianmedia.net.au

After getting married, one should be able to focus more on the partner’s strengths and move along in life. Focusing only on weaknesses and flaws are like slow poison to their relationship.

The Solmeniser shared another interesting story:
“There was once a husband who told the wife to burn the certificate of marriage.
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This was my first time to have gone through a Buddhist Solemnisation.

It was held at Marina Mandarin Singapore.

Wedding Programme Schedule for Solemnisation:
1. Guests to be seated at 6pm sharp/ all lay out to be done
2. MC announced the purpose of gathering today
3. Singers sang a love song to the wedding couple
4. MC announced the march in (in sequence) of the groom’s parents, bride’s parents, solemniser and the wedding couple
5. Wedding Vows
6. Words of gratitude from newly wed to parents
7. Words of advice and blessings from bride and groom’s parents
8. Word of gratitude from newly wed to relatives and friends

The past solemnisation I had attended was either done at the Registry of Marriage or in churches.
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