As my wife and I were planning our second honeymoon (sort of) to Japan for 2 full weeks, we were recalling on how a getaway plan can go down into pieces so easily.
Barely 2 months ago, we have just bought our new flat which cost us at least US$430,000 and thinking about the amount of loans we have to pay back for the next few decades is really discouraging.
It was one of the biggest purchase we have ever made in our entire life, beside spending another big sum of money on our wedding day.
It was not easy to continue our planning of the oversea trips as both of us felt really low then.
However, being absolutely optimistic that things will turn out well and being a strong believer in having a full experience in our marriage life, I decided to push on our plan.
It was not easy for us but my sense is that if not now, then when?
The right time will never come.
Having been my marriage life for almost 2 years have taught me my fair share of important tips to a happy marriage. It somehow provides some answers to you if you are also searching for tips for a successful marriage.
Here are my 9 important marriage tips:
1. Husband role in bringing in the bread and butter
The number one reason for a couple dispute to occur is money matters. Money can’t bring happiness but without money, it can lead to alot of unhappiness. As a firm believer of living my marriage life to the fullest while spending quality (and quantity) time with my wife, I have been brainstorming really hard on how I can earning lots more cash without jeopardizing our relationship.
Making money through blogging is one of the ways and with my online business growing, now I get to spend more time with her. Our family finance is growing and at least, there is no need to take up another job (which I really hate) and I get to work from home.
2. Living everyday to the fullest with my wife
I have always pose these questions to some of my friends who are married: how do both of you spend your weekend?
Most replied that time is spent watching tv programs or lazing at home. There is no right or wrong answer to the above question. Spending a long time performing a routine activity can bring about boredom.
It gets monotonous overtime and so will our relationship.
Remember the many first activities you did with your love one while still in courtship. The experience was always refreshing and even thrilling. Thus, couples must (MUST!) consciously plan new experience in their marriage to keep that spark going. And do it even if you have children. Spend some private time together.
3. Giving her space to grow and fulfill her dreams
Everyone of us has a dream and the interesting thing that couples normally do is they abandon their dreams after marriage. Most of the time, it is the ladies who do that as they turn to child-bearing roles after marriage.
All of us should hold onto our dreams, even after marriage as dreams and hopes are what keep us alive, breathing and looking forward to the betterment of tomorrow.
I find it really encouraging and helpful for my wife when I consistently encourage her to pursue her dreams no matter what they are and I am going to support her 1000%.
4. It does not matter who is right or wrong
In the midst of anger and cross fire in a disagreement which may possibly turn into a heated argument, does it matter we have to prove who is right or wrong.
Personally, I feel that it is senseless and aimless to do it as ultimately deep inside us, we love each other and it just happened that the spark of turmoil exploded and normally due to minor matters like the tap is not turn off, the food is not heated up and so on.
Plus, rational discussion can’t exist in the midst of rage and frustration. So what you can do is to take a time out and let both parties cool down. Be the first to initiate it and it only shows you have a big heart and you treasure the relationship.
As for us, we do our best to resolve any matter before we sleep and once the lights are off, everything should be forgotten and settled.
5. Embracing of who she is….including her weakness
We are not perfect and there is no way our spouse will become better or perfect overnight after the wedding day.
I realise couples commonly use the words “You should have done this”, “You should be like this”.
Remember it is because we love one another for who we are and that is why it leads to our marriage. So why change the each other after marriage?
I must admit that initially I was guilty of doing this too and now I consciously remind myself everyday to embrace her wholly for who she is.
6. Men! Listen more and that is usually all what our wives need
Through my many years of helping couples to resolve conflicts, the very basic thing that can resolve everything is a listening ear with a genuine heart to listen.
A lot of times couples, family members, friends made the mistake by offering immediate solutions to solve the matter.
Remember the time when we are down and we turn to someone we trust. What happens when that person starts offering solution and interrupting us.
We feel frustrated. We feel confused. Normally, out of courtesy, we won’t tell my dear ones the negative feelings we have.
So remember to listen and that is all your wife needs.
7. There is nothing holding you back except yourself
I know I know it is easier said than done. In our mind, unconsciously, we may be telling ourselves alot of buts.
But she is like this, she can’t change.
But I am so busy. I don’t think it will work.
Many times changes can be made if one if the couples made the first move. If not her, then the best person to do it is you.
Because of her and because of the relationship which you hold so dear, make adjustment to your mindset and place the relationship as number one priority.
8. A retreat to the courtship days and tell you why I love you so much
Normally, as a relationship moves on for years, some of the memories will slowly fade away. This is life and we can’t control it. Our memory dwindle as we aged.
But there is a way which fond memories can be remembered.
Talk about it with your wife. Share of the good old days of how you have met her, your first date, your first kiss and so on.
As we are talking about it, there is always a natural surge of the lovely feelings within our bodies and we do feel good about it. What matter most is that you still remember the reasons you choose her as your lifelong partner then and that is important.
9. Don’t fear the unknown – brave together
Everyone of us has fear including me and you. We are humans afterall and fear is part of us and is here to stay as long as we are unable to cope with it.
There will be alot of time on how we endanger our relationship because of the individual fear we are experiencing.
After you have read this, I hope you can apply to your relationship and benefit fully from these marriage tips.
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