photo from hnakamura
Marriage is a bliss. Everyone says that.
Commercials about weddings make them look so magical and care-free.
Weddings lead to a life of eternal happiness and romance.
Is it true for you?
For me, it is not true.
I am not saying I don’t like wedding. I love wedding and especially mine.
I love my wife too and everyday I told myself, “I can lose everything that I have but not her. I only have one her.”
Before my marriage, I was a carefree guy, in the sense that I can plan for my life and my finance.
But what happen after my wedding?
Now, the first thing that comes to my mind in terms of finance is my family.
Yes, we plan to have kids next year and I would love to have 3 or more. “Gleaming with joy. *.*
In Singapore, the price of raising a child is high. I heard that it takes a million dollars, at least to raise a child till he is independent.
Both my wife and I love children. And having children is naturally the next big project after wedding.
I know of couples who don’t love children and they would rather have dogs as companions rather than kids.
I respect that because all of us have the rights to choose how we want to live our marriage life.
Choosing on how to live a marriage life is for blog post of another day. Today I want to share with you from a husband’s point of view of the struggles I have in my 1 year plus of marrage life.
1. Financial struggle
There is a Chinese saying: “Money is not everything. But without money, you can’t do anything.”
It says that money is not the ultimate answers for all things in life. However, without money, there are many things that you can’t do.
It is indeed true in a family.
There is so much to pay for, from your new home, to new car, new house renovation and so on.
As a family, there is also a need to save up a “family planning” savings accounts. This is not just for kids-planning but also for crisis such as one of us loses a job. Ideally, to get ready for your first child, you need at least S$10,000 about US$6,666) and for unemployment crisis, you need at least 6 months which is about S$12,000(US$8,000) to tide over the low period.
For me, it is building a business, my business.
2. From Man to Husband & Father
How do I see my change in role?
I am often asked this question and I shall be totally frank on how I see a husband’s role.
As a man, I think I only have myself to answer to.
As a husband, the first priority has always been my wife and in the future, my children. Whatever I do, I did not for myself, but for her.
Warren Buffett, the second richest man on earth once shared that how does his life change after he becomes a billionaire?
He replied he didn’t change much. Only his wife gets to live better.
I can honestly say that I am following his path.
This year has been amazing for me. I have started venturing into my own business as a marketing consultant to new business.
It was really fun meeting people and sharing how they can make 1000 times more money using what they have.
I think many people mistook me as a confident person. I think you never know the fact I was a stutterer. I used to stutter and I used to have low self-esteem. I once hid and preteneded to go to toilet during socialising time.
There were times I cried till I sleep.
Now, for my wife and my family, I got to work hard and bring home more money so that we can have children next year.
photo from jimmyscrumbs
3. Balance of Work & Family
When you have more work to do, then you find yourself at many times having less time for family.
There are times I need to work. And starting this year, I have to meet my clients and customers. It is not easy for me to give up time which I spent with my wife.
I have a daily routine which my wife and I do together. I will spend at least 2 hours on every night to have dinner with her, chat with her and hear from her the day’s happenings.
30 minutes before we sleep, we will have a heart-to-heart talk. It is important because it brings us closer.
I also make it a point to hear from her about her challenges she faces in her work. I want to be the first to hear from her and to give her the support she needs. Nothing beats knowing that someone you love is behind you in whatever you do.
Weekly we have a routine too. We will spend at least one day to go for a date.
It saddened me when I hear from my married friends that they stop dating after they get married.
This is the start when the sparks start to get lesser.
After marriage, you still need to go for dates with your spouse.
After you have kids, you still need to go for dates.
Even when you are old and have no tooth, it should not stop you from dating each other.
You have heard of stories of long lasting marriage. Keeping the spark of romance in marriage is the key.
4. Balance of Friends, Work & Family
Have you become more possessive over your husband after your wedding?
How will you react if your husband mentioned to you he needs to meet a female client one-to-one?
I would love to share my experience.
I think as long as we are working, we need to meet people. Stopping your spouse from meeting the opposite sex is not the wisest choice.
You can, only if you want to destroy your marriage.
Did I say that I am the only guy in my total 100% female working environment?
And my partner in my job is a fine young lady who I looked upon as a younger sister. I have another ex-colleague who dotes on me like a younger brother.
You can imagine the closeness we have between colleagues. It is like a big closely-knitted family.
I am thankful for my wife for the trust we have.
She still needs to meet male customers who are the students’ fathers or she still have to discuss school programmes with male teachers.
I believe it is the trust and respect we have for each other.
And before I meet female clients, I will inform my wife. It is not to get approval but as a form of respect. This applies to meeting female friends gathering.
Follow this and you will be fine.
5. Building My Dream and Working My Job
My dream is to own my business and be my own boss. And I am thankful for the endless support from my wife.
My wife has always told me my strengths and how much talent I have.
It weighs more than a ton of gold when the words of encouragement comes from the woman you love.
I know many husbands out there want to make it big one day. They want to be rich. But richness won’t come if the foundation of your home is not sturdy.
What does it mean?
Have you heard of this cliche: behind every successful man is a woman?
And the woman who has been my pillar is my wife.
Everyday I am always checking if what I did is inline with my values and beliefs.
My value is I love my wife and everything for her. And whatever I do, I did it with her in mind.
So far, things are going on fine for me, all thanks to her and her support.
So, if you are the husband reading this post, go tell your wife you love her for supporting you all along.
If you are the wife, I have always feel all women are great as you hold one of the most important roles in your marriage life.
So what are the anxieties you may have for your married life? We would love to hear about it so that we can all learn and support each other.
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