“Can you stop behaving like a child?”

“Can you stop being so childish?”

Are these remarks familiar to you?

Couples, be it still in courtship or marriage, exchange such hurting remarks, in an attempt to stop certain behaviours which are deemed as intolerable only to themselves.

What do I meant by that?

Take for example, the girlfriend from young had been given lots of leeway to get what she had always wanted. In situation that she didn’t get what she asked for, she may yell and scream at her parents and the outcome turned out to be positive for her.

Recognising that her behaviour could led to favorable outcome, no doubt she may be using the same tactic on her boy-friend or eventually her husband. Sounds familiar? (These type of people, including guys too, are what we called spoilt brats.)

In another example, the guy, when young, may had seen how his father got beaten or physically abused by his mother. (Nowadays, more and more men get beaten up by heir wives too.)

As a child, the guy may have observed that his father cowered in fear and withdrew from people around him. There may be quite a high chance that the guy, may cope in the same way – withdrawing from others, if he is being bullied by his girlfriend or wife.

Many times as we grow up, we may thought that we may have really grown up. However, psychologically, we may be still coping challenges or difficulties as how we had coped as a child.

Technology advances and our environment improves. However, as for us humans, the ability to cope emotionally is still as backward as our ancestors, the cavemen.

The cavemen may be even coping more effectively than us, not having to think so much and can shout and scream whenever they feel like it.

So, next time, if your partner exhibits certain behaviour such as throwing of tantrum or screaming or shouting or the likes…take a step backward to really understand why is your partner behaving in this way…what is s/he feeling inside…put ourselves in their shoes..show more empathy…(remember I talked about understanding your partner fully?)

a direct confrontation such as an insensitive remark is like adding fuel to a spark to cause an outburst of flame…

Many people emailed me, telling me that they are clueless of how to choose their wedding gowns.

When I first went to the Bridal Studio with my wife in February last year, we were clueless too.

For guys, it was really easy to choose. I just took 10 to 15 minutes to choose my suit and coat.

For ladies, my wife took 2 whole day to choose her gowns. The assistant who was also our studio coordinator took out at least 10 gowns for her to wear and she liked none of them. Gowns include wedding gown, evening gown plus tea dress and Chinese Kua

Her sister accompanied her on day one and her friends accompanied her on day 2. Her friend, who had some experience of helping her other gal friends to choose, told my wife that she must have this “WOW” when she looked at herself in the mirror.

She must literally fall in love with the gown and like it so much that she doesn’t want to take it down.

There were some occasions that certain gowns look terrific as an art piece but looked otherwise when on some body.

The coordinator was very patient assisting my wife during her trying and gave constructive remarks such as how she can look better or how they can add on some more beads and laces to make the gown look more glamourous, especially during our photoshoot in June 06.

As for husband’s feedback, I think it is also really important. We can honestly thell the ladies they don’t look good in some gowns. If they look fabulous in others, genuinely praise them and tell them that they look superd and gorgeous.

Husbands’ remarks and comments are improtant for wives’ reassurance and encouragement.

Get them to accompany you and the process of gown-fitting can be so much pleasant and enjoyable.

Another useful tip is before gown-fitting, please cut out any pictures or photos of gowns with the prefered designs. Bring them for gown-fitting and show the coordinator and state your requirement. This can make finding the right gown for you so much easier and faster. >.<

Below are some of the photos from Let There Be Light. (actually, the link broke so I replaced them with antevy.com photos)

The photos are really very beautiful. (edited on 14/3/06: I have no idea what happened to the photos at Let There Be Light photos…anyway..i added some antevy.com photos so that my readers can see photos.)

Go see…

These photos are taken at my cousin’s wedding. And the bride has become my cousin-in-law…and the smiling aunty is my aunty.

Coincidentally, my cousin and I engaged the same photographer, Ant who happened to move to set up another company called anyevy.com

(I think my cousin’s assignment is the last one Ant took. So that he can rush out our photos..what dedicated photographer!!! We waited for 1 month plus la….which is a decent period.)

Confusing, isn’t it? Both are named Ant except one ends with Ant”z”. Hehehe…many of friends had asked me so which will I recommend. I say follow where the photographer goes to.

Ant used to be from “Let There Be Light” and this is their website web site . Happy viewing!!!

I want to share the following email with the response with all fo you so that we can all benefit from the reply I gave o her. I know at this point in time, many readers are submitting thier complaints and frustration through this.

I got this email enquiry from Sheelen

“Hi Jhong Ren,

I am a Dec’07 bride. Am currently looking at banquet venue. Do you have any recommendations?or any forum/blog site which i could view at?

I have recently signed up a bridal package with Feline Bridal during the Her World Bridal Show in Jan 07. I wonder if there is any Feline Brides in your site which could share with me their experiences.

I will be going to the bridal shop next wkend for selection of photographers as well as looking at the gowns… May I know what are the things I should take note of? Am also puzzled on what is the actual/normal payment process to the bridal shop?

Thanks and sorry to prompt you so many questions at once…

Cheers,
Shelen ”

— — — — — — — — —

“Hi Sheelen,

I will do my best to answer your questions.

To look for banquet venue, first you got to ask yourself what kind of ambience do you like? Or have you come across some wedding venues you have been to and you really like?

As for Feline Bridal, I’m not sure. But you can go to singaporebrides.com forum and check under feline bridal .look thru the threads and post your questions and concern.

You can also pop by their shop and ask the current customers how are their service. Something like spot check.

During selection of gown, there must be a “wow” factor when you first see yourself in the mirror. Choose one that fit your personality and preference; not the other way round.

For payment, normally is four times, one deposit when sign the package, choosing of gowns, photoshoot and collection of gowns.

Let me know if there is any more query. 🙂

Cheers.
Jhong Ren”

To my readers, if you have any info that you think can benefit Sheelen or other brides with simlar concerns, please feel free to add them as comments below.

In the past, someone enquire about bridal studios and Teochew wedding custom. Maybe this is helpful for you too.

In my mind, I have tons of contents that I want to share with my readers…

Would you want to know more about wedding planning?

Or would you want to know more about life after marriage?

Or would you want to know how to empower your relationship with your love one?

Or would you want to understand yourself better so that you can understand your love one?

Hmmmm…there is only 24 hours a day and I had so little time to share so much with you. >.<