This blog won’t be complete if I just post the positive side of a relationship. Conflicts and Happy moments come in a package. The tools of handling the conflicts and whether you know how to cherish the Happy moments are learnt during the relationship.?

We have our fair share of disaggrements and conflicts and misunderstandings. Which couple doesn’t? If there is, better watch out. A dormant volcano may suddenly erupt with a very very loud BOOM!!! And the mess will be hard to clean up. It is always easier to clean up the mess that come in small amount now and then.

Don’t know what I am saying? I am referring to the quarrels and arguments that may come now and then and catch both of you off guard. Not managing well may bring your relationship downslope.

Lately, we have some issues that we disagreed on. It led to some arguments. I won’t really say we shout at each other like what we see in TV dramas. But we negotiated and mediated among ourselves. We kept cool and kept our volume down. Remeber to phrase your words properly. Don’t say “You”. It sounds threatening and sound pushing the blame on others. Use”I”…I feel this, I feel that…Lots of clarifications on what the party is saying.

We talked it out and constantly reminded each other that we are tackling the issue, and not against the other party. Phrase your sentences, no harsh words…or else you will regret!!!

Easier said to be done. Sometimes, the disagreement may tun sour, almost turn sour recently. And it could have spoilt our day or even the weekend. We make it a habit to settle conflicts or any disagreement on the day itself. No spilling it over to the next day. It won’t do any of us good. May bring the doctor more money because we may get headache.

I’m glad the “ordeal” is over. We learnt about what acceptance really meant to us. It means accepting us of who we really are, the good and the bad points of us. Remember in my earlier post? Marriage is the marriage of 4 persons, the couples as an adult plus their inner child.

I’m grateful to have such an understanding fiancee. I’m very lucky to have her and I will cherish her everyday. So even though both of us are not perfect, we are still who we are and for this we are unique – a unique couple!!! 😀

Everyday, we took a bit of our time to discuss something related to the wedding no matter how tired we are. We delegated the tasks and encouraged each other to move on.

For example, it is not easy to find the bridal studio, hotel or photographer we like. For me, I did research on more than 15 hotels, visited about 3 and went back home to discuss for about a week. It is not just convincing each other but ALSO convincing each other’s families.

Different person has different concerns and opinions. It is like telling others why our decision is the best. It is not easy.

I had a friend who quarrelled everyday with his fiancee over financial matter. The other even thought of calling off their wedding. Some asked me if they can’t even handle a simple couple-project, how can they handle the rest of the journey after marriage. Some fear marriages inside because of the committment and the loss of “freedom”. Marriage is totally different from courtship period.<.div>?

A bouquet for her

During courtship period, most guys will shower the ladies with gifts. Then, while they are still dating, the flow of gifts is still being sustained, maybe decrease a little bit la. Hmm…then after they get married, there is hardly any more gift..”waste money?”

Many times, this is when trouble comes. The ladies may ask “Why isn’t there any more gift for me? Where is the bouquet of flower he sent me everyday when he is courting me?…” the list goes on.

Guys and ladies alike…many times we are so preoccupied with our work, our career, our climb up the corporate ladder, the endless datelines, the many meetings till don’t know what time…by the time, we have reached home, we are so tired. Some may even have to take care of children and that leaves the couples very little time or no time to spend with each other.

I learnt from a friend (she is already in mid-forties, had a 13-year-old son) that everyday, she and her husband goes for a half-an-hour walk after dinner without fail. Other secondary benefits, also a good time to digest the food. Lower probabily for a tummy to be formed too.

The purpose of going for a slow walk is to update each other of their daily’s happenings and share their thoughts with one another. She even said the things they can discuss is endless because different daily events happen to them everyday. In fact, thousands and thoousands of things to talk about. So this makes me ponder why some couples even after 2 years of marriage told me they have nothing much to talk about. They just sit in front of the TV and stare at it.

As for me, I played my part too, making an effort to sit beside her and watch her do work even though she has to look at computer monitor. I also does surprise my fiancee with bouquets of flower, little toys, gifts or even a packet of bread for her to bring to work because I know that she is too busy to take her lunch. Small gesture like this goes a long way.