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Episode With Mother-In-Law

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Mothers-in-law are hard to manage.

You have to please them. You have to amuse them. You have to be their friends.

I know it is hard. How can one treat one’s mother-in-law as a friend when she is actually half of a mother?

I know it is hard.

It is even tougher to address her as “mom” when she is actually not.

After my episode of the 45 minutes lecture by my mother-in-law, we met up a couple of days earlier for a dinner.

Initially, the situation was very tense, tenser than the times I was just about to give my speech in front of 300 people.

You can never image that kind of pressure put on yourself, unless you have a mother-in-law like mine.

As my sister-in-law was telling us over the phone they were walking towards the restaurant, my adrenaline was pumping faster.

I couldn’t breathe.
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I Bit The Bullet and Survived

It was a tough decision to visit my parents-in-law a moment ago.

My mother-in-law went shopping and I heaved a sigh of relief.

I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m confused.

I have to admit. There is no point admiting everything is alright.

After wedding, the marriage life is not always smooth.

There will of course be laughter and happiness. And there are times sorrow and confusion just slap you in the face without warning.

It was not easy to face the music.

My father-in-law was at home. He looked tired and unwell.

The first statement from him was to call home more often.

And he mentioned that if mother-in-law becomes calmer (if only), the whole storm will subside.

You know there is a research done. The bravest man can forge forward and kill all the deadliest enemies. But there is one thing that he fears.
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Difference between Mother-In-Law now and then

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wedding changes

There are many crossroads in lives.

When we find ourselves facing this, we realise why people around us seemed to change.

In fact, people don’t change. Situation changes.

Before getting married, my mother-in-law had that amount of expectation. And after our wedding, the expectation was raised by ten times over.

It was not easy to meet that kind of expectation.

The only way to keep my sanity is to be who I am.

I’m not going to change for her. Neither do I expect my wife to change for my mother.

I would want my wife to be who she has always been.

After I shared my experience about my 45 minutes lecture from my mother-in-law, some readers emailed me, sharing with me about the same fate after marriage.

The mother-in-law of a bride was really picky and fussy over everything she does and the way she behaves in her house.

The daughter-in-law was so uncomfortable and pissed off that she locked herself in her room all day.

In the other example, the mother-in-law expected the bride to be another “mother” to her son and gave her weekly tasks to do for her son.
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Manage Your Mother-In-Law In the Right Way

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Your Mother-In-Law is always right. Mine too.

It is weird. I think I have to do it based on my survival instinct.

Continuing from the previous post on “being thrashed by my mother-in-law“, I guess I would not have survived if I have rebuked or shown my displeasure in any way.

If I have done that, my head would have got chopped off by now.

So what did I do on the phone conversation that works?

In fact it was not really a conversation. It was more of a monolouge. It was only one directional.

I was not given much chance to talk. Maybe just about 5 minutes or so.

My mother-in-law spent the other 40 minutes lecturing me. Oh my! I think I was still affected emotionally even right now.

I can still feel the shivers down my spine.

I think I’m emotionally scarred.
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What do You Do When Trashed By Mother-In-Law?

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I had an unpleasant experience this noon when my mother-in-law called me and gave me a 45 minutes lecture over the phone.

It was not an experience that anyone wants to go through.

You feel trapped. You can’t tell her to shut up and neither can you hang up the phone.

You can if you want to have a tough life ahead.

As for the reasons why she was so super mad, I shall keep it brief as it was not so ideal to wash dirty linen in the public.

We haven’t been visiting her for a couple of while and she was furiously mad.

I have many thoughts running through my mind when she was lecturing.

You know about the fight or flight mode we go throuogh naturally when we are in “danger”.

I feel my life is endangered while listening to her.

It was worst than public speaking and I felt myself drowning.
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