There are many crossroads in lives.

When we find ourselves facing this, we realise why people around us seemed to change.

In fact, people don’t change. Situation changes.

Before getting married, my mother-in-law had that amount of expectation. And after our wedding, the expectation was raised by ten times over.

It was not easy to meet that kind of expectation.

The only way to keep my sanity is to be who I am.

I’m not going to change for her. Neither do I expect my wife to change for my mother.

I would want my wife to be who she has always been.

After I shared my experience about my 45 minutes lecture from my mother-in-law, some readers emailed me, sharing with me about the same fate after marriage.

The mother-in-law of a bride was really picky and fussy over everything she does and the way she behaves in her house.

The daughter-in-law was so uncomfortable and pissed off that she locked herself in her room all day.

In the other example, the mother-in-law expected the bride to be another “mother” to her son and gave her weekly tasks to do for her son.
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Your Mother-In-Law is always right. Mine too.

It is weird. I think I have to do it based on my survival instinct.

Continuing from the previous post on “being thrashed by my mother-in-law“, I guess I would not have survived if I have rebuked or shown my displeasure in any way.

If I have done that, my head would have got chopped off by now.

So what did I do on the phone conversation that works?

In fact it was not really a conversation. It was more of a monolouge. It was only one directional.

I was not given much chance to talk. Maybe just about 5 minutes or so.

My mother-in-law spent the other 40 minutes lecturing me. Oh my! I think I was still affected emotionally even right now.

I can still feel the shivers down my spine.

I think I’m emotionally scarred.
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from garynchristine.com

One of my readers has this enquiry:

“Hi, I’m actually a future mother-in-law who is absolutely blur about Chinese Customs. My daughter will be getting married next year and we’ll be given tables by her future Father-in-law (he’s paying).

Do we keep all the wedding dinner’s Ang Pows that our guests give us? (It is my intention to let my daughter and Son-in-law have them in the end.) Thanks for your advise.

Also, what is Guo Da Li for?”
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Having conflicts are natural. It is healthy to have conflicts.

“What? Are you nuts?”

Looking back at my fist 9 months of marriage life, it has not been easy.

I’m not saying that we are in crisis or any similar form. Thank goodness we are not.

While looking at the days we have walked through together and effort we have put in, I could say we can score about 6 upon 10. (Still lots of room for improvement, you know.)

What we have done so far:

1. A gentle stroll round our house

I remember that we made an effort to stroll around the estate every night without fail.

These are personal times we could catch up with each other.

There are so many things to talk about. I just don’t understand how come older couples find each other bored. Maybe they just don’t want to talk. Just maybe.

Every day there are so many things going on. I just can’t wait to tell my wife about it when I reach home.

However, I must confess that it is not easy to be consistent. There are times we are very busy or one of us is busy. There are times that we simply forgot or are not bothered about it at all.

We need each other to constantly remind us now and then.

2. Exercising regularly
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We?re launching a new feature today called ?Your Wedding? where we?ll get to know a little bit about the details of your wedding.

At your own comfort level, we?ll ask you to share various info like which bridal studios you?re using, which hotel you are holding your banquet, etc.
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