Relationship before and after marriage is not the same.

from newtco.com

It needs more commitment and a deeper level of understanding what relationship really meant.

What does relationship really mean to you?

Is it just being together as boy-girl friend and we are one couple?

Or is it being aware of what is going on each other’s life and wanting to be a part of it?

Or is it being able to sacrifice oneself for the other party even if dying is part of it?

Just before marriage, holding on to this relationship is my first priority. Making the wedidng works has been my focus for the whole of last year.

It is not easy to hold a wedding. Organising a wedding include communication and understanding of each other. It meant putting ourselves in each other’s shoes too.

I have already mentioned in the past that marriage is not just between two people, but between two families, two futures, two past, two presence.

What do I mean?
Continue Reading »

Why does some brides run away from wedding?

Hmmm…I really wonder why…

Could it be because that the bride is unsure of her commitment?

or his commitment?

or everything about the wedding?

What about runaway mothers and fathers?

Never heard of that…did you?

Many parents have in fact run away from their families.

Why do they need to?

Thought they made a wedding vow…

They should be running towards their families, embracing their children and planting kisses on each other’s cheeks.

I’m not sure how many of you who are reading this post now has lost daddy or mommy.

Mine did. God took my daddy away from me.

What impact does it had on me?
Continue Reading »

Before you hear your own wedding bells ring, have you heard of pre-marital counselling or course?

from www.groundstrike.com

There are plenty of such courses out there, be it in churches, family service centres or places of religions.

Couples pay quite alot to join these courses and at the end of the day, some find such courses a waste of time.

My friend took part in the course with her husband-to-be at that point in time. Her conclusion…? was that she could have better spent the time at the beach.

In fact, many aspects of maintaining a good relationship can be learnt from planning your wedding.

For instance, when it comes to budgeting, many couples find it really hard to discuss ad come to a common understanding. They have difficulty agreeing what to spend and how much to spend.

Other instances such as understanding the value and belief of your spouse-to-be. For example, the bride may feel that she needs to get the best gown and the most expensive bridal package.

The groom on the other hand may feel that they should get what they can afford.

More challenges await them when they meet the parents.

Family beliefs and power struggle are other aspects to take note.

Family beliefs such as traditional beliefs and practices at home have to be discussed.

For example, the bride’s family may have complicated wedding custom that has to be followed. However, the groom’s family is not particular over such traditions. Complications may arise from such situation of whose practices to follow.

Power struggle may arise when other family members or even relatives want to play a part in giving feedback or “helping” out at the wedding.
Continue Reading »

Some people do ask me if growing up in a single-parent family has any impact on me. The answer is definitely yes.

We are after all human being with feelings and whatever loss we experience since young will have impact on us.

We will never be sure how many moments we still have in this world, isn’t it?

There are many times I still don’t really understand why couple divorced… 🙁

Though the time I spent with my dad was a short one, lasting merely for 12 to 14 years, I must say that his influence on me is alot.

When young, I have always seen how my dad showered his care and concern on my mommy. He spent every single moment that he has bringing her on holidays, going for tim-sum (Chinese tea-break) and snapping photos of her.

My daddy really loves my mommy alot and he worked really hard, taking more than ten accounting assignments home so that he could provide more for his family. Yet, no matter how busy he was, he would spent his time guiding me in my studies and he would then worked till late into the night.

My father was a great man!

My mother once told me that despite the time she spent wth her husband was only a short one. However, she always remembers all the things he had done for her…such as looking after her when she was unwell…doing most of the housechores…and strivng so hard to father me from cooking my meals to bringing me home from school…
Continue Reading »

“Can you stop behaving like a child?”

“Can you stop being so childish?”

Are these remarks familiar to you?

Couples, be it still in courtship or marriage, exchange such hurting remarks, in an attempt to stop certain behaviours which are deemed as intolerable only to themselves.

What do I meant by that?

Take for example, the girlfriend from young had been given lots of leeway to get what she had always wanted. In situation that she didn’t get what she asked for, she may yell and scream at her parents and the outcome turned out to be positive for her.

Recognising that her behaviour could led to favorable outcome, no doubt she may be using the same tactic on her boy-friend or eventually her husband. Sounds familiar? (These type of people, including guys too, are what we called spoilt brats.)

In another example, the guy, when young, may had seen how his father got beaten or physically abused by his mother. (Nowadays, more and more men get beaten up by heir wives too.)

As a child, the guy may have observed that his father cowered in fear and withdrew from people around him. There may be quite a high chance that the guy, may cope in the same way – withdrawing from others, if he is being bullied by his girlfriend or wife.

Many times as we grow up, we may thought that we may have really grown up. However, psychologically, we may be still coping challenges or difficulties as how we had coped as a child.

Technology advances and our environment improves. However, as for us humans, the ability to cope emotionally is still as backward as our ancestors, the cavemen.

The cavemen may be even coping more effectively than us, not having to think so much and can shout and scream whenever they feel like it.

So, next time, if your partner exhibits certain behaviour such as throwing of tantrum or screaming or shouting or the likes…take a step backward to really understand why is your partner behaving in this way…what is s/he feeling inside…put ourselves in their shoes..show more empathy…(remember I talked about understanding your partner fully?)

a direct confrontation such as an insensitive remark is like adding fuel to a spark to cause an outburst of flame…