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Email Enquiry from Susan – Where to Start Preparing for My Wedding?

“Hi JR,

We just had our meeting of our parents on 8th November. I’m not very happy with my mother and my fiance’s mother as both of them kept repeating that we, the youngsters seem not to have our own point of view and are not specific enough in the wedding arrangement we want to make for ourselves. Thus his mother kept saying that I, as the bride, seem not to know what to prepare for our own wedding. This makes me feel very upset. I also feel that it seem that they are not interested in our wedding. It made me regret agreeing to get married in the first place.

The other problem I am facing right now is that my wedding will be on 23 November 2008 and I have not prepared anything yet, and I do not know where to start preparing. 🙁 I’m going crazy soon!!

From Susan”

My reply:

“Hi Susan,

It seemed to me that you feel that your mother and mother-in-law do not understand you. It can be very frustrating to feel unsupported at such a time you need support most.

Mnay wedding couples who are planning their weddings do find themselves in your situation most of the times. When both mothers meet, there may be a certain level of discomfort among them. They are unfamiliar of each other and yet, they have to close that gap within that short amount of time.

Sometimes, I wonder if one of them agree with the other party out of courtesy of not offending each other.

I know it is very difficult for you to share your real thoughts in front of both mothers. On one hand, it is important to leave a good impression in the in-laws. On the other hand, it is important to clarify what is not true.

We always find ourselves stuck in this dilemma, very unsure of what to do.

One good strategy that I used is before future meetings of both parents, both children are responsible to convince and persuade their own parents.

For example, in your situation, your future husband may want to explain to his own mother and you explain to yours. It is easier to talk to our own mothers.

Both of you can verbally lay out what you have done such as “We have done this, this and that and this…”

Sometimes, keeping silence is even more lethal. So better clarify.

For your question on what to prepare for your wedding in year 2008, I in fact feel that you have lots of time.

As I have explained in my book “How to Plan Fabulous Wedding“, there are certainly 9 immediate tasks you need to do. And by making sure you complete these 9 tasks, I can be very sure your wedding will go very smoothly and you will have less worries to think about.

First 9 steps to take right now:

1. Inform immediate family and close friends about your wedding plans
2. Where is your preferred wedding site?
3. What sort of reception do you want?

4. Potluck or gourmet sit-down dinner?
5. How much is your budget and who pay for what?
6. How many guests are you expecting?

7. What type of ceremony?
8. What type of wedding party?
9. Honeymoon destination?

My advice is start off well and everything will go smooth. Don’t wait for things to happen and then you clear up the mess. It is going to be more problematic. So better start off well by doing these 9 tasks in detail before things go bad.”

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