Many people thought that after wedding, everything will go smoothly as long as they abide by the rules of the marriage game. Thye may think that it is like gliding along the dance floor, so graceful and smooth.
How many of us can recite the wedding vows again right now?
This makes my point that most of us, who are married, don’t really know the rules even we thought we knew.
It is just like going into the field to play soccer but not knowing the rules such as where to stand, where there will be penalty and so on.
Here are the only 7 tips you ever need to make your marriage works and I promise you these are all you ever need.
Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps
Being married means commited to supporting each other. In addition, it means helping each other to grow, supporting each other’s dreams and flourishing the relationship beyond where it is today.
My wife wants to be in the design field and I support her with all my heart. In addition, I told her I will provide her all my resources and knowledge and I consistently remind to do whatever it takes to pursue her dream.
I don’t say “no” but she had to stay at home to look after the kids.
Making the relationship flourish means consciously adding little sparks of surprises now and then. My wife gets a bouquet of flower once every month or two months.
In alternate years, both of us plan to join some courses each of us like. This year, we have joined the pilate class and I’m the only guy in class sometimes.
Yes, it does make me feel uncomforatble. However, it is my committment to our love map to make our love grow. Next year, it will be my turn to choose.
Action to TAKE NOW! Draw a routine of both you and your spouse can do on this weekend. It will be a good way to start.
Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
Do you know that we have this “Remind Your Strengths” session every now and then?
It is to reinforce our beliefs on each other. My wife has always selflessly reminded me of how good I am when I was down.
I always make it a point to remind my wife that she has already done her best whenever she felt she has not. I fully believe she has and I tell her in full confidence that she is always working and doing her best.
This makes us feel good.
Imagine someone coming up to you to praise you that you are good-looking and smart. Won’t you feel being on cloud nine?
Action to TAKE NOW! Go up to your spouse just to tell good points about him or her.
Principle 3: Turn towards Each Other Instead of Away
As years pass and marriage life seemed to be more routine and less exciting, many couples turn to outside to look for more excitement.
They could be finding more friends, complaining to their best friends about their spouses’ weird habits and promises they have not fulfilled.
I wonder what if they turn towards each other and start asking how they can add more excitement for themselves for this year. They could sit together, work out a plan together and talk with each other.
I know of a married couple who have been travelling to a country a year for the past tens of years. Why did it happen? Because they have planned.
Action to TAKE NOW! Work out a plan what to do by Christmas.
Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You
All mens and women are equal to a certain extent. However, I know of some men who still want to play the “master of the family” game all the time and expect the wives to be submissive to them.
What if men are less egoistic and start lisenting to all feedbacks and comments from their wives?
I know men always have this defence shield raise up when their wives commented something which may be quite unpleasant to hear.
Again, it is how the ladies put across. I know it is hard even for the first few times. Turn negative comments into positive discussion. Then the statments will sound more comfortable.
Action to TAKE NOW! Stop before giving a comment. Tell your spouse what has been done well followed by, not what is wrong, but what can be improved in the future.
Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems
Most of the time, finance is always the root to quarrels and arguments. It is normal and it happens to 9 out of 10 families.
I know we couldn’t possibly buy a pot of money tree cluttered with hard cash and we can harvest the money the next day. But we can do is sit together and work out the family finances together.
We can solve the problem as of now. Even though, the money issue can’t be solve overnight, couples can work toegther to discuss how they much money to set aside for this month’s expenses.
I have heard of wives who gave harsh statements such as “If only you are rich, I won’t have to suffer now.” Oh my, I wonder how much hurt the husband feel when this statement sttuck his ego and esteem.
Action to TAKE NOW! Sit down at the table to discuss how as a couple can work things out for the family’s benefits.
Principle 6: Overcoming Gridlock
Gridlocks are tense moments that will affect the whole family system as a whole. For example, the husband wants to migrate but the wife doesn’t, the wife wants to have kids but the husband feels it is not the right time yet.
It is not easy. It is like doing school project and members of the team have not come to an agreement of what project to do.
This happens in family too.
Action to TAKE NOW! The challenge is to move these gridlocks to dialouges. Talk it out, listen to each other’s point of view and weigh the points how much it will affect the family as a whole.
Give some time to think about it and discuss again a few days later.
Principle 7: Create Share Meaning
Marriage is not entirely about starting a family, looking after the kids and that’s it. It involves a much more spiritual dimension that the couples live in.
For instance, they may be common belief for some couples in the religion perspective. Others have common value in wanting to do volunteer work and reaching out to others.
The rest may find common belief in wanting to keep fit and that is why they may end up participating in yearly marathons under the “couple’s category”
So what is the shared meaning among you and your spouse?
Action to TAKE NOW! Come up with 5 activities both of you like to do and find out the similarities. Next time, do it togther.
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