Over-concern can cause harm to a relationship.

from painetworks.com

Have you ever encountered a time when your concern became too “naggy” and it back-fired on you?

I just had my experience yesterday. My wife will be bringing this group of kids to a seminar and she had not been well. She kept coughing and had fever.

Now she is better. I think I got too “vocal” in expressing my concern to her that she needed to exercise more on normal days.

It got back-fired when she told me my words of concerns became too confronting and it sounded like a lecture.

I withdrew and reflected how I should have said it so that it could sound more gentle. Again, an explanation of the intention with a hug makes the situation less theatening.

Remembered what I have shared earlier? Explanation from an “I” perspective helps your partner to understand and hear more about where you are coming from.

I practice what I preach in my posts of my wedding blog. I know what works and what doesn’t for my relationship. And I would like to share with you and even exchange ideas with you how our relationships can improve further.

Back to word of concern, I think there must be a fine balance in everything. The challenge is not in what to say but when to say and when to stop saying.

Different couples have different threshold and limit for “lectures” and it is up to the couples to find out for themselves. Sorry I can’t help you. But I can suggest to you what you can try saying.

5 steps to lower defences:
1. Stop saying.
2. Hear from your partner how s/he had interpreted
3. Hear the feelinsg without being judgemental
4. Explain your intention
5. End with a hug and some kisses