“Dear Jhong Ren,

Im in big trouble dunno where to start wad to do..

as my bf keeps calculating hw much bth of us hav for the wedding and im
someone who r a perfectionist n wanted to do the best o to outshine
others but now having a headach..

hav already chosen the hotel that i wanted..
which is novotel clarke quay n b miting jaimie tml at 10am but do not
noe hw to do negoiating with her as i heard that shes a very frim lady n dun
likes to giv perks..

my wedding will be held like during april o may 2008..
my bf’s parents doesn;t seems to care o offer their help.. i feel tt im
alone doing all this. my bf is busy with his wrk n therefore we been
quarreling very frequently nowadaes.

i hav chosen Di Gio for bridal shops but they r rather expensive but i
really like their gowns n the photoshots..

looking for a bridal car separately s i like Cabiolet but heard from my
frnds tt if i wanted to rent this car then my bf would need to drive
but too bad he dun hav a licence..

alot of traditional things to prepare too like GUO DA LI.. wad is it
all about n where to get them is a headach n lots n lots of things..

wedding songs, animation, photographer on the actual dae, videographer,
n hw can i delicate things down to my helper to help mi n montage where to
get all this help o u hav anyone that u can recommend to mi to reduce all
this problem tt i have..

as i feel tt im alone doing all tis n im stress n i gotta take care of
my sick grandma n at the same time holding a full time job s a staff
nurse..

THANKS Jhong Ren..
if u can than juz help mi with the queries tt i hav can?

sincerely,
love Janet

thanks alot”

My reply to Janet:

“Sounds to me that times for you are tough and you feel not supported by the people around you.

My sense is most of the wedding tasks are done by you and most probably being a perfectionist, you would want everything to be the way you wanted.

Personally I feel that wedding is a project which has to be done by you because eventually, the stars of the project are you and your boyfriend on your big day.

It would be good to sit together with him and clarify your expectations as well as give your boyfriend a chance to clarify his expecations.

Sit together and tell him gently how his constant calculation made you feel. Normally, the content of the conversation is not what make people upset; it is the tone of the voice and how it is put across that affects the feeling of the listener.

I’m certain that the misunderstanding between you and him may have caused the unhappy feelings and it might be hard to come together and sort it out.

For the sake of the wedding and the many days that both of you will be commiting to stay together be it in health or sickness, I feel this may be a good start for both of you to understand each other better.

So, within the next 48 hous, please spend time really hearing each other out and avoid any judgment. Let’s listen what the other side has to say and put yourself in his shoes. I know this is going to be hard but for the fact, you emailed me and needed some suggestions from me shows that you wanted to clarify the matters with him.

Regarding the perks, you may want to do some homework and find out exactly what perks you want. Then, you may write down on a piece of paper and bring it with you. Moreover, you may want to bring along a friend who is a good negotiator. She or he can be helpful in bargaining for you.

For Guo Da Li, you can read this post.

For Photographers, you can read this post. Montage normally comes with the package.

I hope these are helpful.”