Married life means a life of commitment. There is no longer just you or me but it is about us. Us means you+me or even you overlapping me.

To me, married life means being there for her when she has happy (or sad) things she wants to share with me.

Married life means understanding how hectic my partner’s work has been and understanding that she may be affected in one way or the other.

Married life means forgiving my partner for not having spent enough time with me.

I had heard of stories of how husband had taken his wife for granted and even blaming her for not spending enough time at home, for bringing complaints from work to home or even for not having taken good care of the children.

For me, my personal opinion is it is ok for my wife to talk about the stress she faced in work because she must have felt comfortable to share with me and she feels safe with me. And this is why she shares with me.

I don’t know. I have heard of spouses feeling really irritated by the complaints from their significant others.

If after she shares with me and she feels better, I don’t mind sharing half of her burden.

If after she shares with me and she knows a better way to cope, I don’t mind listening to what she says.

If after she shares with me and I could understand her better, I don’t mind spending my time hearing her out.

If I, as the husband won’t listen, who will?

I am feeling a mixture of feelings. Anxious, excited, uneasy, in high spirit, low, on cloud nine…confused?

It is really tough for me to juggle more than 3 major things in mind while planning and coordinating my wedding. I’m so glad that my course is coming to an end soon, but here come my reservist for 3 weeks.

I’m truly grateful to people around me and they have offered help and support. I’m thankful that most of the things have been done.
Tomorrow, my mom will be bringing my fiancee to buy jewellery. In Chinese custom, the mother-in-law of the fiancee has to buy her a gift. My fiancee is a decent girl with good upbringing. She has offered to treat my mom and aunty lunch at a japanese restaurant.

At night, we will be going to see the edited wedding photos at the bridal studio. Plus, one of my groomsmen will be trying his coat which will be worn?during my wedding dinner.
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I got this email from one of my many aunties:

?”Hi Ren,

The wedding insert will be ready by this week end. Let me know whether u need any help or service as your wedding date is drawing very near. ie uncle’s car on the wedding morning to fetch your wife’s friends over to your house etc…… I’m sure your hand is tight…. work, exam and others……. I am very willingly to run errand for you any time (FOC). You both have to take a lot of rest before your wedding day to look good. Feel free to call me .

Regards Auntie Lee Sah ”

?

Thank you very much…very sweet…>.<

Yesterday, my fiancee and I did two things:

1) Went to House of Etiquette to check on the rental of kua

2) Went to Chinatown Complex temporary site to buy the customary items

Was dead tired when I reached home. And was “rewarded” with scolding from mom when I reached home.

She scolded me for many things…

1) not updating her of what I have done (my inner thoughts: contradicts to what she told: “I will leave all decisions to you.”)

2) not telling her about my problems (hello…this is the family norms…we solve our own problems….how could you expect I tell you my problem and for the past 12 years, you never told me yours?)

3) Plus she always ended off our one-way conversation from her that “I always rebut against her” (how could you expect me to comfortably share with you my problems when everytime you said I rebut against you?)

Throughout the whole of 1 hour of lecture, I kept silent with my back facing her. My mom kept on complaining she can’t stand the stress from the wedding and she is going bonkers. And she expected me to understand that.

I doubt I can or ever will. She never give me a chance to and with her commanding tone whenever she speaks to me, I had always shut myself up and out. Whatever she said enters from one ear and comes out from the other.

Plus, now I’m facing some personal challenges now. work, study, wedding and many more issues running wild in my mind 24/7. It is not easy. Inside me, I’m crying for help. And yet, I can’t turn to my family.

Today, I was out of the house the whole day…hoping to find some peace…which at this moment, my home can’t provide me with this. :_(

Hopefully, things will get better soon…

My head is bulging. Imagine a ballon inflating in your head…i feel like this right now. i just had my test…totally demoralised…studied so hard and yet, i don’t think i did well. but i did my best.

now, im still learning to cope with my anxiety and stress level. sometimes, i wonder how much stress my body can take? work+studies+wedding+ some other things that only people around me can sense it…

?now, im just doing my best to cope and to really keep my mind blank sometimes, consciously…free from any thought and worries…i’m just like anybody…a normal person..trying to live my life the best i can…