photo from hnakamura

Marriage is a bliss. Everyone says that.

Commercials about weddings make them look so magical and care-free.

Weddings lead to a life of eternal happiness and romance.

Is it true for you?

For me, it is not true.

I am not saying I don’t like wedding. I love wedding and especially mine.

I love my wife too and everyday I told myself, “I can lose everything that I have but not her. I only have one her.”

Before my marriage, I was a carefree guy, in the sense that I can plan for my life and my finance.

But what happen after my wedding?
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From Sandra:

“Hi Jhong Ren

Thanks for the reply and for your amazing blog, the information available is pretty comprehensive and useful.

I am currently at the stage of planning my wedding for next year .. toughest aspect is to decide the exact date and to agree on what exactly do we want for our wedding. My fiance is really busy and seems like I have to be the one doing most of the work … I want a simple garden wedding reception while his parents expect a grand wedding dinner with really good food and I just feel overwhelmed and unsupported with the responsibility…..currently at the stage of feeling stressed and afraid that I might become a bridezilla …

Hee .. sorry that I have to offload like that … just needed a neutral party who understands … wedding matters can plan, but relationship issues cannot plan …

Need to be reminded to keep my focus on our relationship … not let all the wedding affairs affect us … want to be there for the long haul … trying my best to keep myself at peace …”

My thoughts:
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My cousin will be getting married really soon and I am elated for her nuptial.

I feel delighted and my thoughts were pre-occupied with the happenings of last year.

I was married last year and exactly a year ago, I was feeling frustrated, tense and anxious.

Yes, I was very excited over my wedding.

However, there were so many unpredictable things happening every week and these things were driving me crazy.

Yes, crazy is the word to describe my wedding preparation!

There were money issues, mother-in-law’s issues, wedding preparation issues and other inevitable invisble issues.

My head was literally cramped with stuff and yes, I remembered I was having my few examinations for my Gradute Diploma.

I was triply stressed: wedding, exam and work!
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Yesterday, I was quite frustrated about the fact that my wife was home late and she forgot to abide to the pact we made many months ago.

The pact is to call home or drop me a message if anyone of us will be home late. We have to inform by 10pm.

However, she forgot.

Even though I may be quite angered by this encounter, I told myself it was quite a rare opportunity for her to meet up with her ex-classmates.

I started to put myself in her shoes and imagined how fun it was to be if I were hanging out with my old classmates.

It was like so much things to catch up with so little time.

This is like a change of focus, from what was bad to the better side.

In fact, do you know what is the reason for informing?
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I wasn’t well for these past few days and I was down with flu and slight fever.

I’m grateful to my wife for skipping her dinner even though she was really very hungry and had not had her lunch.

The wait at the clinic was an hour and you know that when a person is ill, an hour long wait can feel like 5 hours or more.

While making my way to the clinic and feeling her warm hand in mine, I remembered our wedding vows very vividly.

It goes something like this:

“Male:
I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Female:
I, _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.”

Sometimes I wonder how many of us do really remember the wedding vows we took, except to bluntly just follow them word by word.
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Men and women are different and they behave differently.

Women are very much of emotional creatures whereas men are more prone to run by logic.

That is why in a marriage, there is endless squabbles and complaints about the husband and wife.

In fact, I see as misunderstanding of each other.

Remember the book titled “Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.” There is so much truth in it.

Men and women can never ever understand each other completely, even if they are together after fifty or sixty years.

In your marriage, was there a time that you complain about your husband for not knowing how you feel?

Was there a time that you told him “you should have done this or that“?

Was there a time that you mentioned “you should know what I am feeling right now“?
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Having conflicts are natural. It is healthy to have conflicts.

“What? Are you nuts?”

Looking back at my fist 9 months of marriage life, it has not been easy.

I’m not saying that we are in crisis or any similar form. Thank goodness we are not.

While looking at the days we have walked through together and effort we have put in, I could say we can score about 6 upon 10. (Still lots of room for improvement, you know.)

What we have done so far:

1. A gentle stroll round our house

I remember that we made an effort to stroll around the estate every night without fail.

These are personal times we could catch up with each other.

There are so many things to talk about. I just don’t understand how come older couples find each other bored. Maybe they just don’t want to talk. Just maybe.

Every day there are so many things going on. I just can’t wait to tell my wife about it when I reach home.

However, I must confess that it is not easy to be consistent. There are times we are very busy or one of us is busy. There are times that we simply forgot or are not bothered about it at all.

We need each other to constantly remind us now and then.

2. Exercising regularly
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