“Hi JR,

From Susan”

My reply:

“Hi Susan,
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I saw a post from my friend Kloudiia and she has blogged about “A New Age Husband“.

Here are 37 things a Sensitive and New Age Husband can do:
1. Massage her everyday
2. Fetch her from work
3. Send her to work
4. Help mark her school work
5. Do house chores
6. Cook for her
7. Wash her clothes
8. Iron her clothes
9. Do marketing
10. Take care of the babies
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I was listening to class 95FM and the DJ mentioned that a study has been done recently showing that finance and social are the top 2 stressors for a marriage.

This reminded me of what happened yesterday over dinner with my relatives. One of my cousins wanted to go overseas for holiday. In the past, when I was her age (about 17), I would wonder why it was so difficult to ask for an oversea trip.

My parent always mentioned that just work hard so that I could pay for the trip myself.

Now as a husband, I understood that there is more than the working hard.

It involves financially savvy for the family.

Let’s say you bring home $2,000 per month. Your wife takes about $700 for the household expenditure including marketing, buying household items like detergents and washing powder.
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Making wedding works is more than preparing the wedding tasks and fulfilling them.

It is going to be tiring and frustrating!!! Very frustrating!!!

Wedding-related tasks include getting the bridal studio, contacting hotels, calling and making appointment with the wedding photographers, food tasting and many more.

These tasks are simple to do. The hardest part is how to get your soon-to-be spouse to remain supportive all the way. And not just till the wedding.

There is still a very long way to go.

I have always told brides and grooms that the mini-quarrels they have during their wedding preparation is just the tip of the iceberg and it is normal to have disagreement once in a while.

More will come along the way and in bigger quality and quantity!!!

My wife and I do have conflicts too and this is absolutely normal.

Couples who tell me over the tele-consultation that they have never argued before in their lives are abnormal.

Why having conflicts while preparing wedding is healthy?
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We are not the same and yet, we are just a bunch of selfish bunch of people only wanting to change others and never ourselves.

Who is brave enough to admit that you are selfless and you have never thought of wanting to change your spouse to someone ideal?

I’m very human afterall and I dare to say I make these mistakes all the time. Many times, I have to constantly remind myself neither my spouse or me is perfect. This is to make my marriage happy.

Tell me who is? Are you?

Making mistakes is common among couples be it married or not. Even couples who are married for tens of years do honestly tell you that they have made many stupid mistakes in the past and that is why they are so happy right now.

It may be really contradictory and weird but it is the fact. Happily married couples do not always stay happy all the times. They have as much ups and downs just like any couple.

The secret is this. This works all the time and it is determined by how open you want to know it. Even if I tell you this, you have to prove to me that you are willing to use it. Use it not just once but all the times and use it everyday.

So now let me reveal the 5 ways you can learn right now to better understand your spouse.
1. Don’t attempt to change your spouse at all if you are not willing to change yourself. I’m sure during certain times, you have some sense that certain patterns of your life do not work well for you and your relationship.

And many times, we just know it but we are just not willing to change. We always take the easy way out and shift the blame from “I” to “spouse”.
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Marriage is a life long journey and if marriage is a Ph.D course, you will only get your report card on the last day of your life on this world.

Marriage is a life-long journey. There is no right or wrong. There is no textbook that teaches you what an ideal marriage life is.

Everybody’s marriage differs. So do yours and mine.

I know some couples who are getting married signed up for marriage preparation course. They learn about experiences from the teachers, other couples plus some powerpoint slides showing the number of things they have to do if they want their marriage to work out.

Yes, marriage preparation can give the couples some basic insights of what marriage is about. However, some of my friends who attended them said it was a complete waste of time.

from catholic.org.sg

In fact, for me, the routine in a marriage is more important and effective than just attending a few sessions of a marriage preparation course.

Everyday is going to be stressful for the husband and wife, especially nowadays both are working adults.

When couples returned home, they bound to want to unload their stress on each other. The purpose again is not to find a solution but just to seek a listening ear.

What has been helpful for us is me and wife will go for a 1-hour walk around our house just before we sleep. The night is quiet and peaceful and it certainly is the best time to share with each other’s daily events.
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Wedding ceremony and celebration is just a moment of happiness.

from dk186.tripod.com

Marriage is for eternality.

During courtship, when the couple is staying in different homes, there is no overlapping of personal space and privacy.

Couples, at this point in time, may only see the good points of each other.

They are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

It is only after marriage, when both are sharing the same room, the same bed and the same house, there is intrusion of personal space and discomfort may arise.

Many married couples ask why it is that their partners had more flaws after getting married.

In fact, their partners did not changed. What had changed is their own perception on each other.

Expectations had increased. Tolerance level towards each other had dropped. There is less forgivings and understandings. There are lots more of “You should be this and that.” and “You must be like this or that.”

from guardianmedia.net.au

After getting married, one should be able to focus more on the partner’s strengths and move along in life. Focusing only on weaknesses and flaws are like slow poison to their relationship.

The Solmeniser shared another interesting story:
“There was once a husband who told the wife to burn the certificate of marriage.
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