There are many crossroads in lives.

When we find ourselves facing this, we realise why people around us seemed to change.

In fact, people don’t change. Situation changes.

Before getting married, my mother-in-law had that amount of expectation. And after our wedding, the expectation was raised by ten times over.

It was not easy to meet that kind of expectation.

The only way to keep my sanity is to be who I am.

I’m not going to change for her. Neither do I expect my wife to change for my mother.

I would want my wife to be who she has always been.

After I shared my experience about my 45 minutes lecture from my mother-in-law, some readers emailed me, sharing with me about the same fate after marriage.

The mother-in-law of a bride was really picky and fussy over everything she does and the way she behaves in her house.

The daughter-in-law was so uncomfortable and pissed off that she locked herself in her room all day.

In the other example, the mother-in-law expected the bride to be another “mother” to her son and gave her weekly tasks to do for her son.
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Your Mother-In-Law is always right. Mine too.

It is weird. I think I have to do it based on my survival instinct.

Continuing from the previous post on “being thrashed by my mother-in-law“, I guess I would not have survived if I have rebuked or shown my displeasure in any way.

If I have done that, my head would have got chopped off by now.

So what did I do on the phone conversation that works?

In fact it was not really a conversation. It was more of a monolouge. It was only one directional.

I was not given much chance to talk. Maybe just about 5 minutes or so.

My mother-in-law spent the other 40 minutes lecturing me. Oh my! I think I was still affected emotionally even right now.

I can still feel the shivers down my spine.

I think I’m emotionally scarred.
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I had an unpleasant experience this noon when my mother-in-law called me and gave me a 45 minutes lecture over the phone.

It was not an experience that anyone wants to go through.

You feel trapped. You can’t tell her to shut up and neither can you hang up the phone.

You can if you want to have a tough life ahead.

As for the reasons why she was so super mad, I shall keep it brief as it was not so ideal to wash dirty linen in the public.

We haven’t been visiting her for a couple of while and she was furiously mad.

I have many thoughts running through my mind when she was lecturing.

You know about the fight or flight mode we go throuogh naturally when we are in “danger”.

I feel my life is endangered while listening to her.

It was worst than public speaking and I felt myself drowning.
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Some of us have fantastic mother-in-laws from heaven while others come from hell. As a daughter-in-law, (or son-in-law), you will need to be strategic in your management.

Sometimes, it feels sucky to be squeezed in the middle and feeling helpess.

Here are my 37 Ways to Deal with Mother-in-law: (I will be compiling this list to 101.)
1. Be respectful to her
2. Be polite when talking to her
3. Be sensitive to her different needs
4. Be sensitive to her emotional changes (she may be going through menopause)
5. Be aware of her sense of loss of a daughter
6. Bring her out once in two weeks
7. Take her to her favourite restuarant
8. Remember her birthday
9. Send her gifts that she really like
10. Remember her wedding annivesary
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By Brenda Stokes

Do you have a difficult time getting along with your partner’s parents? You’re not alone. Find out why your in-laws act the way they do and learn to gracefully manage stressful family situations.

As husband and wife, you’ve decided to host a big dinner at your house. All of the family will be there, and you’re excited to show off the kids and spend time with those you love. That is until your mother-in-law enters the room. From the moment her foot crosses the threshold, she’s all criticism. “I wouldn’t have picked this carpet,” she may say. Or, “The chicken is a little dry, dear.” Meanwhile, a smile is on her face, and you have to grin and bear it.

This sort of thing happens to people regardless of how long they’ve been married. A mother-in-law can be so intrusive and bossy that you just don’t know what to do with yourself. You don’t want to be disrespectful, yet you can’t tolerate being walked on, either. It’s a nasty predicament, but it may help to learn that there are reasons for your mother-in-law’s stereotypical behavior and ways to gracefully maneuver through difficult in-law situations.

Why Your Mother-In-Law Does What She Does

Older relatives frequently take on an authoritative role in the family. “The friction and tensions with know-it-all mothers-in-law come from a parent’s belief that no one is quite good enough for her son or daughter,” says Dr. Susan Newman, PhD, social psychologist and author of The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It—and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever.

This tension, most typically felt between women and their mothers-in-law rather than between men and theirs, occurs because these are “two women in love with the same man,” according to Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul and Changing Habits: The Caregivers’ Total Workout.
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