Last year was a fabulous year for me as it was a totally incredible journey for myself, my wife and getting used to her parents.

Yesterday was the last day of the year and we went back to my in-laws’ place for dinner.

Understanding that the situation between us and my mother-in-law, who is very hard to please, was very tense, I made an effort to buy a huge bouquet of flowers, 3 lillies and 3 pink tulips just for her.

I met up with my mentor in a town central and it was a brain-draining afternoon when he cramped me with so much internet-marketing stuff just before the year closed.

It was two hours of meeting and I made my way back to the market near my place to buy the bouquet from a regular florist whom I know and can trust.

It was another 1 hour bus journey to the west and we, with our heart beating, presented the flowers to my mother-in-law.

We thought that the flowers would kind of make her smile abit, if not welcome us with open arms when she sees us.

Oh dear! When we reached there Continue Reading »

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“Hi JR,

From Susan”

My reply:

“Hi Susan,
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Do you know the number one fear of newly-wed couples?

It is talking to your in-laws, especially mother-in-law.

I feared communicating to her as I saw her as a serious and stern lady.

I was having a lot of problem during my first 9 months after getting married.

It was not easy to patch things up between my wife and my mother-in-law.

Being in that position isn’t a place that husbands want to be.

You can’t take sides. Maybe you can.

But most of the times, you simply can’t take sides.

If you side with your mother-in-law, you can imagine what will happen at home later.

You may have scuffles and fights with your spouse.

If you side your wife, your mother-in-law isn’t going to be very hapy either.

It is an emotional torture. An emotional imprisonment.
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From Sandra:

“Hi Jhong Ren

Thanks for the reply and for your amazing blog, the information available is pretty comprehensive and useful.

I am currently at the stage of planning my wedding for next year .. toughest aspect is to decide the exact date and to agree on what exactly do we want for our wedding. My fiance is really busy and seems like I have to be the one doing most of the work … I want a simple garden wedding reception while his parents expect a grand wedding dinner with really good food and I just feel overwhelmed and unsupported with the responsibility…..currently at the stage of feeling stressed and afraid that I might become a bridezilla …

Hee .. sorry that I have to offload like that … just needed a neutral party who understands … wedding matters can plan, but relationship issues cannot plan …

Need to be reminded to keep my focus on our relationship … not let all the wedding affairs affect us … want to be there for the long haul … trying my best to keep myself at peace …”

My thoughts:
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I had my dinner with mother-in-law and the whole of the family.

It was a touching moment and I was really glad the whole unhappy episode had drawn to a closure.

It was not easy to encourage my significant other to make a consistent effort to dine with her family.

It took a lot of nagging and gentle reminder.

However, I must say that the whole effort was paid off and we had a very wonderful dinner.

We had long chat over the sumptuous meals of prawns, sotong and other sea-food.

Again, the quality of the food didn’t really matter. It was the quality of the time spent.

Though it was just 3 hours of dinner time and catching up, I found it the most well-spent for the past few years.
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Mothers-in-law are hard to manage.

You have to please them. You have to amuse them. You have to be their friends.

I know it is hard. How can one treat one’s mother-in-law as a friend when she is actually half of a mother?

I know it is hard.

It is even tougher to address her as “mom” when she is actually not.

After my episode of the 45 minutes lecture by my mother-in-law, we met up a couple of days earlier for a dinner.

Initially, the situation was very tense, tenser than the times I was just about to give my speech in front of 300 people.

You can never image that kind of pressure put on yourself, unless you have a mother-in-law like mine.

As my sister-in-law was telling us over the phone they were walking towards the restaurant, my adrenaline was pumping faster.

I couldn’t breathe.
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It was a tough decision to visit my parents-in-law a moment ago.

My mother-in-law went shopping and I heaved a sigh of relief.

I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m confused.

I have to admit. There is no point admiting everything is alright.

After wedding, the marriage life is not always smooth.

There will of course be laughter and happiness. And there are times sorrow and confusion just slap you in the face without warning.

It was not easy to face the music.

My father-in-law was at home. He looked tired and unwell.

The first statement from him was to call home more often.

And he mentioned that if mother-in-law becomes calmer (if only), the whole storm will subside.

You know there is a research done. The bravest man can forge forward and kill all the deadliest enemies. But there is one thing that he fears.
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