Managing a relationship is never easy…
It is even harder to manage your relationship plus your wedding…at the same time.
I was recalling the insanity I had gone through while planning my wedding. It was a nightmare.
Yes, a nightmare indeed…
Of course, I looked forward to walking the down with my fiancee (now my wife)
What had been nightmarish the experience I had with my mother-in-law.
I wonder do you experience the same problem, if not the same kind of problem relating to your in-laws.
It was not an easy time for both me and my wife then.
We had to go through many moments of scuffles and disagreement…
I have to admit we almost went crazy…
It is not to scare you…wedding planning per se is fun. What was challenging was the people matter…
* * *
Wedding planning is not just you and your partner’s affair. It is everyone’s from your parents to in-laws to your friends.
Parents have their expectations. They want this and that. Likewise for in-laws.
Unexpected expectation from bridesmaid about the color she wanted to wear on the wedding day is not helpful either… (if not handled carefully, the wedding may most likely become her wedding..not your wedding)
Sounds funny? This can become real for your wedding.
* * *
I feel that to enjoy your wedding (which you got to), you have to sit down..literally sit down with your partner and come to a common consensus of what can be done, what can’t be done.
It is about give and take. Life in marriage works the same way.
And what I found helpful is that whatever the decision both of you made, both of you have to stand firm.
* * *
Let me give you an example…my example.
It had always been a typical Chinese wedding custom that the groom had to deliver the “golden” suckling pig to the bride’s house on the wedding day. (it symbolizes virginity)
It is big and heavy. It can be really inconvenient. Anyway, both my wife and I decided we used red packets to represent the pig plus everything else including pastries and so on.
We know that this is a “must” and yet we insist that red packets can be used as representations. And we really do our best to persuade my in-laws that it is fine.
I think the learning point here is not about the pig or the red packet.
It is about how you and your spouse stand on the same side during these moments. There will be many moments that both of you have to commonly decide and stick to it.
Your parents or in-laws will have their expectations. It is how both of you act in togetherness to persuade them. It is not easy.
And it can be tedious at times. It is a test for you and your spouse.
This principle can be applied in your marriage life too and there will be many more moments like this…
So hang on there…and all the best to your wedding planning.
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