Have you ever realised that once after marriage, your tolerance towards your spouse’s flaws dropped drastically?
I think it is a common phenomenon among married couples after their big wedding day. They find faults so much easier in their marriage life compared to their courtship life.
In courtship days, things are still so much magical, pleasant and the reality of life had not set in yet. Couples only come to realise that their partners, being so human, only have flaws that normal humans do have.
I have to admit that I am guilty of doing this too and admiting it doens’t mean I’m wrong. We all make mistakes and it is only scary when couples claim that their relationship is forever conflict and argument free.
It is even worse when they say they never took each other for granted before.
There are alot of times our expectations towards each other elevated over the years and we easily get grumpy when the hidden expectations on our spouses are not met.
This is a trap and third parties become so much attractive.
There is a saying that marriage is not ruined because of third party. Marriage is already going downhill and that is when third party comes in.
So let’s see what we can do not to take our spouses for granted.
First, don’t expect your spouse to evolve into someone else after marriage. Remember it is because you love that person and that why both of you got married. If you don’t expect yourself to change, don’t expect your spouse to comply.
Second, lay out your expectations for your spouse. Identify which are the unrealistic ones and strike them off. For example, if you expect your spouse to be more caring towards you and she is already doing her best, it is unrealistic to push her off limits. It is unfair for her.
If you want to have more care from her, show her more care first.
Third, talk it out. Couples love to play mind games. It is a stupid game, in fact the stupidest game that even children find it childish. But couples play that all the time. Talk it out verbally. Don’t expect your spouse to be psychic and read your mind.
Fourth, check out what you can do and what you can’t do. Even if the expectation from your spouse is realistic, ask yourself if you are comfortable doing that. Lay out a timeframe if you want to change for your partner. For example, some ladies can be really unforgiving towards their husbands and put them down all the times. If they are going to learn to give more praises, they need to be given a realistic amount of time to even stop saying negative things.
Fifth, appreciate your spouse for even willing to change a little bit for you. Give each other alot of hugs and kisses and say “thank you” to each other. Again, remember no mind game. Don’t expect your spouse to read “thank you” off your forehead.
Say it! Say “thank you”!
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