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Quarrel is not good; talk is better

Lately i saw a couple age around 20 plus shouting at each other..screaming at the top of their lungs…walking off and turning around and shout at each other angrily…and this happened in a MRT station at 6pm when the human trafiic is the highest…and with their 4 year old boy standing next to mommy, looking confused…no idea who to follow…

i also heard from my friend who recently quarrelled with her boyfriend…and in the midst of the tension and anger…started tossing out thingsthey dislike whatthe other party has done …and these things had happened two to three years ago…and start cursing and swearing and blamingeach other…sigh…what happened to the statement “I will love you forever” when they were in courtship period….

For us, we do have our fair share of conflicts and disagreement and I feel it lies in the expectation for each other..and sometimes hidden expectations..expectations we don’t say or we expect the other party to know and understand completely…

some ladies expect the guys to know how they feel (hey, we are not psychic)…others expect their boyfriends to say the right things at the right time…

for guys, some of us expect the ladies to massage us when we feel tired…to understand that we need silence after a day’s work…

the expectations can be limitless and they can be common expectations coming from both genders…

there are a few guidelines both of us follow:

1) Give each other time and space to say our version of the story, constantly reminding ourselves it is the matter we are discussing, not the people who we are criticising. Use “I” statement..”I feel”…”I saw”…”I think”..Using “you” is like pinpointing and it is not healthy.

2) Unhappy disagreement must be tackled and closed on the same day

3) After talking about the issues, we have to say what we have learnt. for example, “learn to ask before assuming.”, “learn to see from her point of view.”…

so how do you and your love ones cope when disagreement arises?


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